Nothing Else Matters

I repeat what I've written earlier:

If one falls in love, then one just falls in love. There is no "IF" for love is an absolute sum game. Most people fear their love will not be returned, so they'd rather not give at all. But better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. I think if your love is returned, you're most fortunate - it will be the greatest gift shared between two people. But if you're unlucky, then consider it "sedekah" or goodwill.

I am in love, I think...but I'm not lucky this time - to have loved and lost when the game hasn't even started.

[Nel's alter ego talking] Yeah, yeah, yeah...Nel screwed up in love big time!

Nel feels sooo fucked up that nothing else matters...Nel just want to throw herself on her bed and bury her head under the pillows. Nel feels soooooo fucking unwanted. Nel is bored with her job, too. Sometimes, Nel feels like a stupid fucking lamp post, an invisible wallflower, melukut di tepi gantang - what have you.

Sometimes, Nel feels just soooo fucking tired of living...too tired, too tired. Sometimes, Nel feels sooooo depressed she cried herself to sleep, wakes up crying. Sometimes, Nel just want to sleep and never wake up...

Oh bugger it...whatever! Metallica is humming in Nel's head right now...

Nothing else matters

So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Today, Nel doesn't feel like she wants to live. Perhaps the disconsolate darkness of gloomy nights caused Nel to feel deeply dejected and dispirited...hopelessly sad. Could this be akin to the Twilight Zone that Odeth described? Bottomless hollow well that spirals down endlessly in the darkness below...

[Nel's alter ego sleeps and takes over] But tomorrow is another day. Perhaps it will be better and if Nel survives tonight, Nel will see tomorrow and beyond...

Nel, sleep now. Tomorrow will be a better day...Have a little faith, Nel.