Verbal constipation, but I will survive!

I didn't write anything for a while because I really don't know what to write, even when there's a thousand and one things going through my mind. It's like being so sad but you can't even shed a tear. Verbal constipation caused by post-trauma anxiety is the reason why I didn't write.

By the way, I read somewhere, anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. True enough, I have learned my lessons the hard way.

Also because, I was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago for an appendicitis laproscopic surgery. The Hubby was in town but he didn't even make an effort to visit me for even five minutes when I was at the hospital, when all his friends, colleagues came and visited me.

Midget, one of his close friends came by too. When I told her what had happened between The Hubby and I, she said she knew about it. He confided in her some time ago but she didn't have a heart to tell me because my heart will break. So I told her, it wouldn't have made any difference now anyways. It's only a matter of sooner or later - a question of timing.

My break-up with The Hubby was too much stress than I can handle, and I've put myself on supercharge because I was in deep denial that it was over between us. I think my system broke down, so much so, I ended up with appendicitis, in hospital for a week, and another three weeks of post-trauma and post-surgery depression at home is really too much to handle for me, really. I was at a point, almost suicidal. I wished I were dead. I know, The Hubby couldn't even care...

Three weeks, I'm glad I've come to my senses and I'm getting a grip of things, seeing things more clearly now. I'm determined to prove to myself that I can live without The Hubby and I don't need a man to depend on, financially and emotionally. Lyrics from Gloria Gaynor's song "I will survive" is humming in my head. Yes, I will survive :)

One interesting I learn while I was at the hospital, which I find hilarious: What irony, my nurse woke me up just to give me a sleeping pill.