The Winner Takes It All

Omigod, Omigod, Omigod! I am really divorced now. I am a divorcee. I feel so strange being divorced. It's like standing on the edge of a balcony that has no railings. So free, yet feeling so vulnerable. Perhaps as author and poet Nizami Ganzavi wrote in the epic story "Laila Majnun" "Only man can know the pain of having something he does not need, while needing something he does not have..." Ummmm I dunno why I quoted that, it was just fleeting on my thots right now. Oh well, whatever that means. I'll figure it out later when things make more sense to me.

Perhaps, while I figure out my life, I'll heed Albert Camus's words, "Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better" for the moment.

I can't help but hum this song in my head...

The Winner Takes It All

I don’t wanna talk
About the things we’ve gone through
Though it’s hurting me
Now it’s history
I’ve played all my cards
And that’s what you’ve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That’s her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I’d be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It’s simple and it’s plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don’t wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You’ve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......

Mayday, Mayday, it's D-Day!!!

As I stood and wept in the Sabah Syariah Court's ladies washroom, I looked in the mirror. I am looking at myself from outside myself:

A woman remembers her first love and tries to recapture that strange hour, the memory of which changes her deepest feeling and makes her so happy in spite of all the bitterness of its mystery.

marriage license expiry


Today, our divorce was solemnized at the Kota Kinabalu Syariah Court. The D-Day.

I couldn't believe that was The Hubby's voice as he said the "lafaz" in front of the Registrar. He was trembling, and so was I. Before we parted, we just looked at each other and hugged for the last time. We both cried - it was hard to let go of 15 years of our lives - but we both know we must go our own separate ways now.

I couldn't believe The Hubby and I are no longer married. As I flushed the toilet, I felt as if 15 years of sweet and bitter memories together are being flushed down into the toilet when he told me exactly one year ago he wanted a divorce. Today, we are just one month and one week shy of our 8th wedding anniversary - August 18. Eight years of marriage flushed down the toilet huh?

After all the crying was done, I wiped every drop of my tears - not a single drop left unchecked. Outside, my brothers, Shamus and Huffiz were waiting for me - they had accompanied to Sabah to give me moral support. I'm the Big Sister, I must not let them see how vulnerable I was.

Letter from Down Under

My dear Yaya Buddies,

True enough, there are a thousand thoughts lying within a woman that she does not know till he takes up a pen to write. So many thots are running through my head but I haven't got time to jot them them down lately, so you got me!


Top Model Down Under

Anyways, g'day mates, having a wonderful time Down Under. Been hopping about some parts of the Victoria country. Here's a short round up of my travel.

Spent Saturday and Sunday in Melbourne.

Had breakie with my host, Pete's sister's Rie's home and went to Vic Market for some shopping. Missed the footy on Saturday because I snoozed. Bummer! But no worries, that night we hopped on a tram to Chinatown to have some Asian dinner. Nothing like they make it home for sure.

After dinner Pete took me up the Rialto Towers to get an aerial city view of Melbourne, it was magnificent and breathtaking. Pete wouldn't go to the deck with me, he's afraid of heights. So I went to deck alone and stand there and did a Titatic thingy, it was exciting.

On Sunday, we walked up St Kilda Boardwalk. There's an amusement park called Luna Park and arts and crafts at St. Kilda Esplanade. Had a fish and chips picnic by the beach. Later we went to visit Pete's friend, Leanne who lives in Cheltenham. Her mom designs totes and dinner bags. I couldn't decide between three designs so I got all of them.

We got to Pete's family home in Pioneer Bay, about two hours from Melbourne, much later that day, where he lives with his four kids, Tarnya, 21, Paul, 17, Phillip, 16 and Ian, 15.

I appreciated Pete's effort in being the hospitable host for me, but being a perfectionist, I just couldn't help but reorganised the guest room he offered me just before I went to bed. It now looks more like a bedroom.

Monday, we went to Maru Park to spend some time with the kangaroos, wallabies and wombats and snacked on Devonshire tea, that is, scones with jam and cream, and tea or coffee. Seems to be a favorite here, and I can see why, mmmm, yummy! That night, we went for some shopping at Cranbourne and later Pete's good friend Zena, came over for a visit.

Tuesday, we went around Warook Cattle Farm, tried to milk the cows but they won't let me!


Warrook Cattle Farm

Later we went up to Cranbourne Park shopping mall in Cranbourne. I cooked chicken curry, beef ginger with baby bok choy, chap chye and lamb madagascar for dinner for my hosts. Had fun watching them kids try eat rice with fingers. His kids are well behaved and polite. Ian, the cutest, is charming even at 15 years old.

Wednesday morning we went to Carribean Gardens flea market where I bought a sheepskin rug for AUD50. They sell everything from buttons to computer chips. Met up with his brother Mark there. He's a biker, very rugged. Afternoon we went to an aromatherapy oils factory outlet in Hallam, and later watched seals at The Nobbies and Penguins Parade at sunset at the Phillip Island.


The Great Ocean Road: Waves down at The Grotto

Thursday, we drove along the coast on The Great Ocean Road to Sovereign Hill, Ballarat to dig some gold, no luck. Then we drove to Warrnambool, and put up a night at his mom's in Koirot, an Irish town where they grow potatoes. His mom is a wonderful 80 year-old woman who can still walk a mile to church every Sunday. She's really funny and very funky too, and she asked me, "Are you sleeping with Pete?" before deciding which room for me to sleep in - Omigod, I really blushed, and of course, I took the guest room. I can't imagine my mom asking that question! Well, not even if I'm having a relationship with Pete, which I'm not. He's my host and a friend.



At Koirot Bar, Pete Kelly sipped orange juice

That night we really dressed up for some fine dining in a restaurant called Portofino, in a seaside holiday and fishing town, Port Fairy. Pete looks good in the beige Shanghai shirt that I got him as a thank you present. He looks strikingly handsome that the waitress was flirting with him. I put on my favorite ankle length biased-cut lightly sequined turqoise skirt that I got from Salabianca, and wore it with a white lycra top. It was cold, so I draped a turqoise silk pashmina wrap around my shoulders. I felt beautiful :)

Friday, after breakie, we bade his Mrs. Kelly goodbye and drove along the Great Ocean Road.

Breathtaking view. Took dozens of pictures. Lunched on a homemade beef pie at Port Campbell, seaside holiday town and port. Met up with Mark and his girlfriend Jessie halfway along the the Great Ocean Road for drinks.

Went to Dandenong for Italian dinner with his friends, Dona, Sue and Debbie, and later went to visit his friends George and Sally who just moved to a new home, their dream house. Very nice and sprawling. Before we went home, Pete picked up Ian and Dean, who's Ian's half brother (and I found out later is Pete's ex-wife's illegitimate son). Long story there, but met his ex-wife who doesn't seem friendly, but oh well. Not like I'm marrying Pete, anyways.

This morning I packed my things and found my luggage not big enough to fit in everything. So Ray, his friend and neighbor traded his suitcase with me. Tonight we're having my friend Lynn (who also hosted me in Melbourne before her mom-in-law came to visit) over for a BBQ. Ray may join us too. Lynn and her hubby Faiz just moved to Melbourne in January, so she's thrilled to meet new friends.

Pete and I will have brunch with Leanne and her mom, Lorraine, the bag designer on Sunday morning before I go to the airport. Plane leaving at 3pm.

Ian just asked Pete if he can come along with me to the airport. Pete asked why, and he said "so that I can follow her home to Malaysia! See, he's adorable!

Well, I'll see you guys back home. Did you have that party when I'm away???

Cheers, Liza

April Fool's Day

It's April Fool's Day, but today I don't feel like playing any pranks on people. Getting too old for such tricks. Today, I'm just going to tell you a story that I just remembered.

Believe it or not, I attended a Catholic church wedding for the first time when I was a student at San Jose State University, at least one and a half decade ago. It was my Venezuelan housemate Lisa's best friend's wedding. Lisa was one of the bridesmaids, although she is not Catholic.

wedding


After the wedding ceremony, I asked Lisa, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

She said: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

I thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Out of nowhere, the groom's divorced elder brother happened to eavesdrop on us and answered my curious question, "Because, my dear, love is blind, marriage is the eye opener..."

At that time, I thought that was a hilarious joke, and the groom's brother was really cute saying that. At this moment, however, I thought, darn, I should have taken his advice seriously back then! He probably meant it and knew what he was talking about.

I just received a registered mail from Majlis Ugama Islam Sabah (MUIS) to attend court in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. The Hubby and I are finally getting a divorce in July, I guess. I'm not sure if I'm happy or unhappy at the moment. But whatever I'm feeling, I thinking, what irony it was to receive such a letter on an April Fool's Day. Is God playing a trick on me?

Sabah Adventure

Sunset captured, 250 m from the base camp 

An account of my adventure in Sabah.

March 19:

My adventure begins when I was invited by the stewardess to join the captain in the cockpit, and I have never been inside one. It sure was hot inside the cockpit, with the sun glaring right into your face. The captain and co-pilot were very friendly and showed me how the plane works, but would not let me touch any buttons though.

Upon arrival at the Kota Kinabalu airport at 9:30 am on Wednesday morning, we journeyed on a coach for 3 hours through Ranau and Kundasang to Kinabalu Park and checked into our hostels. This is the first time in my life I had to sleep in a room full of strangers and it was a co-ed hostel with common bathrooms. After a refreshing shower, I joined the others for a lunch at the coffee house. Food was very expensive, my dinner comprising rice, vegetables and mushrooms costs RM20! I was very tired and sleepy, and was having menstrual pain so I went back the hostel and slept the whole afternoon and woke up in time for shower and dinner which costs another RM20!

I slept early that night, and woke up at 5 am. After breakfast, the coach took us to Mesilau Gate to start our adventure. The Mesilau Summit Trail was a 8-10 hour climb uphill most of the way, it's the more challenging route compared to Timpohon Trail which is easier and shorter route by 2000 m or 3 hours climb. The Mesilau route experience priceless, beyond words. I'd do it again.

March 20:


Mt. Kinabalu Expedition Team led by Peter Lau 

The journey through Mesilau was quite treacherous for non-seasoned climber like me, but the scenic view and beautiful surroundings was worth the emotionally and physically trying journey. We walked on a narrow ridge lined with bonsai trees, and rare plants and flowers. The view was breathtaking, and the air smells so delicious. From the ridge I looked down in disbelief at how far I've climbed - I couldn't see the bottom of the pit, it spiraled down into a dark grey mist.

Being a slow climber, I reached the first base camp, Laban Rata quite late, and had to use torch light to light the path. The patient and helpful mountain guides, Jule and Biling, were with me then and it was a full moon, so I wasn't scared, in fact I felt fearless and enjoyed my adventure.

I started off my climb with the younger climbers, and towards the middle of my climb with the older climbers and towards the base camp, I was just ahead by just 500 m from the oldest climber, Uncle Fong, who wanted to celebrate his 70th birthday at The Peak.

In trying to make up for the time I had lost admiring the flora and fauna, and not to finish last, especially to a 70 year-old, I sped up my pace. Neverthless, just half an hour later, Jule and Biling said we had to retrace our steps backwards to look for Uncle Fong, who seem to have gotten lost. Fortunately, we managed to find Uncle Fong, and in good time, too, before it gets too dark and foggy.

I got there in time for dinner, took a shower and hit the sack for about over an hour. Then I was awakened by an orchestra of snores - bass, alto and tenor - horrendous, especially Tony, the guy who slept in the bunk next to me was snoring the loudest and I felt like stuffing his mouth with my dirty socks. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. Urrgggghhhh!

March 21:

The next morning, we started off at 3am. My torchlight battery was weak as I used them to search for Uncle Fong the night before. So I was guided by the moonlight and another guide, Cornelius. After climbing some 1000m, it rained, and the wind was strong and chilly, the temperature was below freezing. Another one team member pulled out and turned back, and another 1000m, two more pulled out.

We took a short break at the second base camp, Sayat Sayat Hut, to report our ascent with the warden and take a bite and sip. Another team member pulled out and turned back. I was tempted to turn back because I was shivering cold, but I kept reminding myself, I have a goal to achieve this year and it would be the greatest tragedy not to at least do my best as I've come this far, and I was already on my way up. I kept telling myself, "I can do it!" and I just get on. There's no turning back!

The lack of sleep got to me, when I fell asleep for a few seconds during the ascent. The guide reminded me not to fall asleep because it will affect my energy level. So I pressed on slowly. When I was about to give up, Cornelius took me by the hand and encouraged me to keep on climbing.

The climb up was ascending all the way, until we reached the Summit Plateau. Then it got steeper and we used ropes to help us climb to the peak. On my way up, like 200 army cadets climbed up with me as part of their training, so and I thought only cities are congested. And there's only one rope, so you got to wait your turn. The rope took so long, so guide took me on another route up. So it feels good when we overtook the army men :)


Mt Kinabalu conquered! 
And YESSSSS....after 4 hours, I made it to the peak! And it felt GREAT :) Believe me, Low's Peak which is the highest peak, was congested when I got there! Some of the army men were there and some of my team members were taking pictures. I had to wait for my turn! And my camera battery died on me! And I didn't get to see the sunrise because it rained and the mist was quite thick. Double bummer!

I stayed at the peak for less than an hour. Took a picture with the group and had a snack and chatted with other climbers who came from other countries, especially if they're good looking.
Some people told me not to look down because you will feel scared. But as I sat perched on a rock at the peak, I looked down to Low's Gully anyways, and it felt exhilarating, because I am on top of the world amidst the clouds and I felt fearless. The mist made it look like a bottomless pit because you can't see any further than 1000m down.

I started my descend back to the Sayat-Sayat Hut base camp to report my descent and take a short break. Descending was very hard on the knees and thighs, and I had to descend backwards using ropes. Felt like I was in the movie "Cliffhanger" when I actually lost my footing and dangled from a rope as I swung on the cliff wall. The guide was quick to pull the end of the rope back before I swung to the other side. So the only damage was that I banged my hip on the cliff wall and I got wet. Everyone was worried for a while, and I made some of them scream. I guess they were anticipating a cliffhanger casualty, but was relieved when I told them "that was fun" when I climbed down the rope and walked on like nothing happened.

The descent took about 3 hours and we came back to the Laban Rata base camp in time for breakfast at 10:30 am where I spent RM4.50 for a bowl of miserable Maggi Mee. Within the next hour, I made my descent back to lowland through the Timpohon Trail. Although the route was shorter and simpler the journey back was challenging because after halfway, I twisted my ankle, had blisters on my toes and another toe nail was coming off! I was in pain for hours, but endured it because no matter what, I had to get to Timpohon Gate because there's no other way out of there except on your legs and I can't be asking the guides to carry me! When I reached Timpohon Gate, I shouted victoriously with joy, "YESSSS!!!" I've achieved one resolution this year - to climb to the peak of Mount Kinabalu.

That night we stopped over at Poring Hot Springs and spent the night in the hostel. By now I've gotten used to sleeping in a room with strangers, and not scream when I see a bug, rather, I was too tired to fuss over such trivialities. The hot springs did wonders to sooth the muscle aches and I slept soundly that night.

March 22:

The next day, we were back to Kota Kinabalu and back to civilization. That night, I joined the group for some seafood dinner at the Sedco Square in the city, and braved myself to taste escargots for the first time. Well, they taste like scallops. After dinner, we went to the night market in Gaya Street to buy some souvenir t-shirts.

As we walked down Gaya Street and passed Pizza Hut and Sugar Bun restaurants, I was surprised to see how much this particular strip has changed over the past year, the whole place looks like Bintang Walk in Kuala Lumpur. With live band playing good music, people sipping coffee and cocktails. It is a place you go to be seen. Yes, they have just caught on the coffee bar culture. And I was in drawstring khakis and plain t-shirt lugging my backpack like a tourist on a budget! If I knew this is going to be like Bintang Walk, I would dress up to be seen. Bummer!

March 23:

The next morning, I was in dilemma in choosing between scouring the city for some shopping or shoot rapids on Padas River.

I decided to shoot rapids, because as my legs are sore anyways, shopping and rafting will be equally strenuous. I decided to be a "trialthon" - I must try anything at least once. Besides, I can shop anytime in Kuala Lumpur and it will be a lot cheaper. It was the right decision.

The next morning, we took a train from Beaufort. On the train, I was glad to make friends and have interesting conversation with John, an Aussie diver from Sydney, who was in our rafting group. We talked the whole of the journey to and back, and during stops at riverbanks during the rafting. That was good, because the whole group are Chinese and they speak Cantonese to each other most of the time, and English occasionally only when they speak to me. After a few days of not talking much, I was on the brink of restlessness. Phew! Next time I must learn some Cantonese.

We changed train, and dropped our backpacks at Pangi, and later continued our train ride to another station downstream, where we will start off rafting upstream back to Pangi. After some light snacks, we put on our life jackets and helmets and hopped into our rafts. We were given options to go for beginner or adventure rafting, and I decided to have some adventure. After all, isn't adventure what I was looking for? It was a good decision because I enjoyed myself every minute of it. Fear was never in my mind.

Besides shooting rapids - so many of them and they have interesting names like Lambada, Headhunter, Cobra, Washing Machine, Scooby Dooby Do - the other part I enjoyed most is body rafting where you just jump into the river and go with the river flow and then after some 250m swim back to the river bank or the raft whichever is nearer. It's like soaking in "chai latte" or "teh tarik kurang manis" and I don't know why they call it "white water" rafting when the water is not white!

After the rafting we had some barbeque and noodles lunch by the riverbank before we head back to the city. The train back to Beaufort was delayed by the heavy rain and took shelter on a bridge. The covered bridge reminds me of a book I read, "The Bridges of Madison County", which has a picture of a covered bridge on its cover. From the bridge to the station was a good long walk, and thanks to the genius of Damien, one of my team members whom I nicknamed "Mr. Six Packs", we got across in a huge umbrella borrowed from one of the food stalls.

On the way to Kota Kinabalu, the bus passed Jalan Ramaya Putatan where my ex-in laws live and it brought back many nostalgic memories of The Ex-Husband and me spending time with his family. The good times, bad ones. But I have no regrets, it was good while it lasted. Well, that chapter of my life is now closed. When you have hit rock bottom and reach to a point of no return, the only way to go is up and forward. No turning back.

We arrived at the Kota Kinabalu airport just in time for boarding. Peter, our team leader, who skipped the rafting adventure, has already checked in our luggage and gotten our boarding passes. The flight home was short, we arrived half an hour early, so the pilots must be speeding!

Back in Kuala Lumpur, being a workaholic, the first thing on my mind was work! Oh no! Back to the grind and humdrum of everyday life. But on a positive note, at least for a week, I was living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment of my adventure :)

No regrets!

Walk Up A Mountain, Come Down A Hill

Sunset captured with my camera, 250 m from the base camp

A belated account of my adventure in Sabah, well, as much as I can remember.

March 19:

My adventure begins when I was invited by the stewardess to join the captain in the cockpit, and I have never been inside one. It sure was hot inside the cockpit, with the sun glaring right into your face. The captain and co-pilot were very friendly and showed me how the plane works, but would not let me touch any buttons though.

Upon arrival at the Kota Kinabalu airport at 9:30 am on Wednesday morning, we journeyed on a coach for 3 hours through Ranau and Kundasang to Kinabalu Park and checked into our hostels. This is the first time in my life I had to sleep in a room full of strangers and it was a co-ed hostel with common bathrooms. After a refreshing shower, I joined the others for a lunch at the coffee house. Food was very expensive, my dinner comprising rice, vegetables and mushrooms costs RM20! I was very tired and sleepy, and was having menstrual pain so I went back the hostel and slept the whole afternoon and woke up in time for shower and dinner which costs another RM20!

I slept early that night, and woke up at 5 am. After breakfast, the coach took us to Mesilau Gate to start our adventure. The Mesilau Summit Trail was a 8-10 hour climb uphill most of the way, it's the more challenging route compared to Timpohon Trail which is easier and shorter route by 2000 m or 3 hours climb. The Mesilau route experience priceless, beyond words. I'd do it again.

March 20:


Mt. Kinabalu Expedition Team led by Peter Lau

The journey through Mesilau was quite treacherous for non-seasoned climber like me, but the scenic view and beautiful surroundings was worth the emotionally and physically trying journey. We walked on a narrow ridge lined with bonsai trees, and rare plants and flowers. The view was breathtaking, and the air smells so delicious. From the ridge I looked down in disbelief at how far I've climbed - I couldn't see the bottom of the pit, it spiraled down into a dark grey mist.

Being a slow climber, I reached the first base camp, Laban Rata quite late, and had to use torch light to light the path. The patient and helpful mountain guides, Jule and Biling, were with me then and it was a full moon, so I wasn't scared, in fact I felt fearless and enjoyed my adventure.

I started off my climb with the younger climbers, and towards the middle of my climb with the older climbers and towards the base camp, I was just ahead by just 500 m from the oldest climber, Uncle Fong, who wanted to celebrate his 70th birthday at The Peak.

In trying to make up for the time I had lost admiring the flora and fauna, and not to finish last, especially to a 70 year-old, I sped up my pace. Neverthless, just half an hour later, Jule and Biling said we had to retrace our steps backwards to look for Uncle Fong, who seem to have gotten lost. Fortunately, we managed to find Uncle Fong, and in good time, too, before it gets too dark and foggy.

I got there in time for dinner, took a shower and hit the sack for about over an hour. Then I was awakened by an orchestra of snores - bass, alto and tenor - horrendous, especially Tony, fellow climber who slept in the bunk nearest to me, was snoring the loudest and I felt like stuffing his mouth with my dirty socks. Thank God the bunk is too far for my hands to reach. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. Urrgggghhhh!

March 21:

The next morning, we started off at 3am. My torchlight battery was weak as I used them to search for Uncle Fong the night before. So I was guided by the moonlight and another guide, Cornelius. After climbing some 1000m, it rained, and the wind was strong and chilly, the temperature was below freezing. Another one team member pulled out and turned back, and another 1000m, two more pulled out.

We took a short break at the second base camp, Sayat Sayat Hut, to report our ascent with the warden and take a bite and sip. Another team member pulled out and turned back. I was tempted to turn back because I was shivering cold, but I kept reminding myself, I have a goal to achieve this year and it would be the greatest tragedy not to at least do my best as I've come this far, and I was already on my way up. I kept telling myself, "I can do it!" and I just get on. There's no turning back!

The lack of sleep got to me, when I fell asleep for a few seconds during the ascent. The guide reminded me not to fall asleep because it will affect my energy level. So I pressed on slowly. When I was about to give up, Cornelius took me by the hand and encouraged me to keep on climbing.

The climb up was ascending all the way, until we reached the Summit Plateau. Then it got steeper and we used ropes to help us climb to the peak. On my way up, like 200 army cadets climbed up with me as part of their training, so and I thought only cities are congested. And there's only one rope, so you got to wait your turn. The rope took so long, so guide took me on another route up. So it feels good when we overtook the army men :)


Mt Kinabalu conquered!

And YESSSSS....after 4 hours, I made it to the peak! And it felt GREAT :)

Believe me, Low's Peak which is the highest peak, was congested when I got there! Some of the army men were there and some of my team members were taking pictures. I had to wait for my turn! And my camera battery died on me! And I didn't get to see the sunrise because it rained and the mist was quite thick. Double bummer!

I stayed at the peak for less than an hour. Took a picture with the group and had a snack and chatted with other climbers who came from other countries, especially if they're good looking.
Some people told me not to look down because I will feel scared. But as I sat perched on a rock at the peak, I looked down to Low's Gully anyways, and it felt exhilarating, because I am on top of the world amidst the clouds and I felt fearless. The mist made it look like a bottomless pit because you can't see any further than 1000m down or even 100m down.

I started my descend back to the Sayat-Sayat Hut base camp to report my descent and take a short break. Descending was very hard on the knees and thighs, and I had to descend backwards using ropes. Felt like I was in the movie "Cliffhanger" when I lost my footing and dangled from a rope as I swung on the cliff wall.

The guide was quick to pull the end of the rope back before I swung to the other side. So the only damage was I banged my hip on the cliff wall. Everyone was worried for a while, and I made some of them scream. I guess they were anticipating a cliffhanger casualty, but was relieved when I told them "that was fun" when I climbed down the rope and walked on like nothing happened.

The descent took about 3 hours and we came back to the Laban Rata base camp in time for breakfast at 10:30 am where I spent RM5 for a bowl of miserable Maggi Mee. Within the next hour, I made my descent back to lowland through the Timpohon Trail.

Although the route was shorter and simpler the journey back was more challenging because after halfway through the descend, I twisted my ankle, had blisters on my toes and another toe nail was coming off! I was in pain for hours, but endured it because no matter what, I had to get to Timpohon Gate because there's no other way out of there except on your legs and I can't be asking the guides to carry me!

When I reached Timpohon Gate, I shouted victoriously with joy, "YESSSS!!!" I've achieved one resolution this year - to climb to the peak of Mount Kinabalu.

That night we stopped over at Poring Hot Springs and spent the night in the hostel. By now I've gotten used to sleeping in a room with so many strangers, and immune to loud snores and not scream when I see a bug. Rather, I was just too tired and excited to fuss over such trivialities. The hot springs did wonders to sooth the muscle aches and I slept soundly that night.

March 22:

The next day, we were back to Kota Kinabalu and back to civilization. That night, I joined the group for some seafood dinner at the SEDCO Square in the city, and braved myself to taste escargots for the first time. Well, they taste like scallops. After dinner, we went to the night market in Gaya Street to buy some souvenir t-shirts.

As we walked down Gaya Street and passed Pizza Hut and Sugar Bun, I was surprised to see how much this particular strip has changed over the past year, the whole place looks like Bintang Walk in Kuala Lumpur. With live band playing good music, people sipping coffee and cocktails. It is a place you go to be seen. Yes, they have just caught on the coffee bar culture.

I was in drawstring khakis and plain t-shirt lugging my backpack like a tourist on a budget! If I knew this is going to be happening like Bintang Walk, I would dress up to be seen. Bummer!

March 23:

The next morning, I was in dilemma in choosing between scouring the city for some shopping or shoot rapids on Padas River.

I decided to shoot rapids, because as my legs are sore anyways, shopping and rafting will be equally strenuous. I decided to be a "trialthon" - I must try anything at least once. Besides, I can shop anytime in Kuala Lumpur and it will be a lot cheaper. It was the right decision.

The next morning, we took a train from Beaufort. On the train, I was glad to make friends and have interesting conversation with John, an Aussie diver from Sydney, who was in our rafting group. We talked the whole of the journey to and back, and during stops at riverbanks during the rafting. That was good, because the whole group are Chinese and they speak Cantonese to each other most of the time, and English occasionally only when they speak to me. After a few days of not talking much, I was on the brink of restlessness. Phew! Next time I must learn some Cantonese.

We changed train, and dropped our backpacks at Pangi, and later continued our train ride to another station downstream, where we will start off rafting upstream back to Pangi. After some light snacks, we put on our life jackets and helmets and hopped into our rafts. We were given options to go for beginner or adventure rafting, and I decided to have some adventure. After all, isn't adventure what I was looking for? It was a good decision because I enjoyed myself every minute of it. Fear was never in my mind.

Besides shooting rapids - so many of them and they have interesting names like Lambada, Headhunter, Cobra, Washing Machine, Scooby Dooby Do - the other part I enjoyed most is body rafting where you just jump into the river and go with the river flow and then after some 250m swim back to the river bank or the raft whichever is nearer. It's like soaking in "chai latte" or "teh tarik kurang manis" and I don't know why they call it "white water" rafting when the water is not white!

After the rafting we had some barbeque and noodles lunch by the riverbank before we head back to the city. The train back to Beaufort was delayed by the heavy rain and took shelter on a bridge. The covered bridge reminds me of a book I read, "The Bridges of Madison County", which has a picture of a covered bridge on its cover. From the bridge to the station was a good long walk, and thanks to the genius of Damien, one of my team members whom I nicknamed "Mr. Six Packs", we got across in a huge umbrella borrowed from one of the food stalls.

On the way to Kota Kinabalu, the bus passed Jalan Ramaya Putatan where my ex-in laws live and it brought back many nostalgic memories of The Ex-Hubby and me spending time with his family. The good times, bad ones. But I have no regrets, it was good while it lasted. Well, that chapter of my life is now closed. When you have hit rock bottom and reach to a point of no return, the only way to go is up and forward. No turning back.

We arrived at the Kota Kinabalu airport just in time for boarding. Peter Lau, our team leader, who skipped the rafting adventure, has already checked in our luggage and gotten our boarding passes. The flight home was short, we arrived half an hour early, so the pilots must be speeding!

Back in Kuala Lumpur, being a workaholic, the first thing on my mind was work! Oh no! Back to the grind and humdrum of everyday life. But on a positive note, at least for a week, I was living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment of my adventure :)

No regrets! No regrets at all!

A journey of 13,500 feet

I believe that if God brings you to it, God will bring you through it. He brought me this desire to conquer a mountain and yes, I made it, Mt Kinabalu conquered! Conquering Mt Kinabalu is one turning point in my life. It liberated me mentally, got me to think that if I set my mind on something, no matter how hard it seems to me, I can do it. Physical limitations are minor, mental limitations are what stop you from achieveing your goal and getting what you want in life. I understand that now -when you want to achieve something very badly, the whole universe will conspire with you to help you achieve your dreams or goals. Some of you probably won't be impressed, having conquered mountains, and oceans, heaven and hell, no doubt. But for me it's a new heights of personal achievement as I've never done it before - conquering the highest mountain in South East Asia at 13,500 ft, a feat I managed to achieve after training for 3 months climbing five other mountains.

Mount Angsi conquered!

My supposedly perfect life keeps getting interrupted by "random happenings" lately - such as my husband leaving me. Hahaha! I really don't what else to expect. Some days are just like this -- laugh rather than crying. But why cry over spilled milk eh? You just have to pick up the pieces and go. No one is really in control of her life. You just try to do the best you can. I'm determined to "just do it!"

I have always believed that if God brings you to it, God will bring you through it. Indeed, God brought me this urgent desire to conquer a mountain and yes, I made it, I did it. Mount Angsi conquered on Sunday!

When I came down Mount Angsi, I was glowing with exhilaration, despite climbing four hours up and three hours down. 1,000 meters at 60 degree gradient, I was told. The slope was slippery because it rained the night before, so the climb was slower. I slid down muddy slope thrice trying to speed up, ended up with bruised bumps and hands, and mildly twisted ankle. So I took my time, breathing in the fresh air.

I'm still feeling exhilarated, same feeling you'll have after a night of having multiple orgasms! (ummm gonna have to do without sex for a while, I guess, as I'm not remarrying that soon). Tired but exhilarated, basking in the afterglow of the experience.

For me it's a new heights of personal achievement as I've never done it before. One resolution fulfilled for 2003 - to conquer a mountain. I'm a "trial"thon, I'll try anything at least once! Yesssss!

I think I heard Celine Dion singing "I'm Alive" in my head.

"I get wings to fly, oh, oh, I'm alive, Yeah. When you look at me, I can touch the sky, I know that I'm alive. When you bless the day, I just drift away, all my worries die, I'm glad that I'm alive. I couldn't get much higher. My spirit takes flight, cause I am alive.That I'll be the one, standing by through good and through trying times. And it's only begun I can't wait for the rest of my life."