Happy New Year 2006!

My dear friends, fellow bloggers and browsers, happy new year, all!

Have you started writing down your new year's resolutions? I haven't. I'm becoming lazier each year in coming out with new year's resolutions. Perhaps it's just age. Well, when I do get to the resolutions, I'll keep it to just three at most...

Being short of a new year's resolution, and new year is just around the corner. I thought I just toy with my mind, and think of a new year's motto, instead. How about this one: "if you can't be good; be good at it"



Just like turning over a new leaf in your journal, every new year to me is a chance for me to start over on a fresh clean sheet. I hope to write better things in the journal in the year ahead. This year has been chaotic.

Having said that, I really look forward to a new year, and to embrace the welcome change in my life. Embracing change to me is like moving into an entirely new world. There are three possibilities that would probably happen - I could either burst with open-armed excitement or hug myself with fear. Or like most people, flip back and forth between the two. How shall I paint my new page?

On that note, I am reminded of the butterfly's progression: we are leaving our cocoons to fly out into the great big world. And what better way to take flight than on a note of inspiration and optimism?

Plato on love and marriage

Today I discovered that one of my ex-boyfriends recently got married. As much as I am happy that he found someone to share his life with, I'm also sad for reasons I don't really know.

Not that I still love him the same way I used to - I have someone I love right now.

Not that I'm hoping to be with him. It could have been if not for the differences in our religions, which became a sticky issue that set us apart.

I think maybe it's not sadness, it's a feeling of empty loss - a departure of sorts. Don't ask me why - I can't explain myself either.

I'm reminded of a blog post in The Datin Diaries, where she wrote that men don't really feel a woman is "the one" because he loves her the most, but men marry because she happens to be the love of his life at a time that is perfect for him. Perhaps, this holds true for women as well. A friend made this interesting observation - most men feel ready to marry at 20, 25, 30, 35, 45, 50 and so on. I wonder if this is really true?

Perhaps so, because two of my ex-boyfriends proposed to me when they were 40. For me, I wasn't thinking about marriage when I was 32,33, 34. Now that I've just turned 35, I feel ready to be "institutionalised" in a holy matrimony. Hahaha don't they say, marriage is an institution where a man loses his bachelorhood and a woman gains her masters degree.

But when I read what Plato said about love and marriage, I think I know why I feel ready. Marriage is not all about love - love can't conquer all. It's a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives.

If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.

So that's why I think I should give it a shot at marriage...

Plato on love and marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"

The teacher answered, "There's a large wheat field in front. Walk there without turning back, and take just one leaf. If you can find one leaf that you think is extraordinary, it means you have found love."

So Plato walked...and not long after that, he came back empty-handed. The teacher asked him, "Why, you don't bring any leaf?" Plato said, "I can only bring just one leaf and when I walked through the wheat field I can't turn my back. Actually I have found one extraordinary leaf, but I don't know whether there's any other leaf more extraordinary, so I didn't take that leaf. When I walked further, I realized that the leaves I found are not as extraordinary compared to the leaf I've found earlier in my walk. In the end, I didn't take any single leaf."

Then the teacher told him, "So...that is love."

Another day, Plato asked his teacher again, "What is marriage? How can I find it?"

The teacher answered, "There is a forest in front. Please walk there and don't look back. You can only cut one tree, and cut the one that you think is the highest. That is when you find marriage."

Plato walks there, and he came back not long after bringing one tree. The tree, however, is not a very good tree and not a very tall one, either. It's just an ordinary tree.

The teacher asked him, "Why did you cut that kind of tree?" Plato answered, "Because from my previous experience, after walking through the wheat field, I came back with nothing. So this time, when I saw this tree which I think is not so bad, I decided to cut it and bring it here. I don't want to lose another chance to get it."

And the teacher said, "Well .. that is marriage."

Some thoughts: The more you look for love, you will find nothing. Love is in your heart, when you can control your desire and your hope to find something better. When you have endless hope and wish of love, you will only get emptiness...because you won't get anything and time can not be turned back. Accept love for what it is.

Marriage is a continuation of love. It's a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives.

If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.

Dead calm...

It's usually dead calm before a storm.

So, even if there's not a cloud in sight, I'll take an umbrella along -- just in case. Besides it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. So, I'll get out of the bath tub out before he pulls the plug.

If you can't be good, be good at it

According to "Rate My Life" quiz that a fellow blogger Lx recommended in his blog "Phases", my life is an 8 out of 10. Not as bad as I thought, really.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.9
Mind:	8.4
Body:	8.6
Spirit:	9.2
Friends/Family:	6.1
Love:	7.7
Finance:	8.4
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

In retrospect, life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you want but you can only spend it once. Think what you want of me, I don't really care because I know about myself more than anyone else does.

The Red Indians used to say, never judge a person before you walked in his moccasins for two moons. Errr correction...I dunno if the Red Indians actually said that. Hehehe I just made it up :)

No matter! The point is, you may never ever walk in my moccasins. Neither will I be walking in your moccasins, ever in my whole life. Talking about life, I just wanna share with you some profound lessons that I've learned in my 35 years. Setahun jagung, maybe to some of you. But I think I've earned some rights to crack a few nuts here and there :)

First lesson that I've learned is, that we must never ever judge another person against our own set of values. If you really have to judge a person, be fair. Judge him or her against their own set of values. Practically, human beings have a strong tendency to become ethnocentric and egocentric. Even animals do. But unlike animals, human beings are blessed with a thinking brain. Use it well, as my mom used to say. Hehehe probably the reason why she started me reading at four years old!

During reunions and get togethers, I've heard old friends complain about not being happy and content. Especially when their friends are doing much better than them. I think, as much as we sometimes think that our lives is worse off than other people, or otherwise, we never know for sure until we live other people's lives.

Keeping up with the Joneses is very tiring, as you would be in the rat race, perpetually running life's treadmill. I would rather keep up with my own pace, I may not be the best, the richest, the most successful, the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most whatever!

The race is against myself, not others. I'm improving so that I'd be better today than I was yesterday. Then I'd be happy and content. Sometimes, it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who your not.

To recap, the second lesson that I've learned, is to be happy and content with your life, be grateful for what you have, rather than complaining and pining for what you don't have. On that note, we either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same. If we can actually open our hearts, there's no difficulty in being happy. Laugh all you want while you still can, because laughter is the shortest distance between two people. I'd say, frown not, unless it is for a very worthy reason.

How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and that there will never be a time when it is not now.

English novelist and essayist Aldous Leonard Huxley (1894- 1963) once said, "most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted". On that note, I think you should value the people who you have in your life, and not the things that you own. Life is too short to be worrying about things which have little meaning. As one wise old man told me, "the real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money."

Having survived a bitter divorce and financial struggles that ensued such a tragedy, it is true that God would never give us something that we can't handle. From my experience, I have also learned that we can keep going long after we can't. Just keep telling yourself, just another step, just another step. Before you know it, you've arrived!

Be not afraid to live but be not foolish with it either for we get but one chance. But don't be afraid of making a mistake. It is not the end of the world. Unless you end your life, then it would be the end of your universe. But the world goes on, with or without you in it, until armageddon. I have learned that if you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

Like I said, life is like a coin, spend it any way you want but you can only spend it once. We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. If You Can't Be Good; Be Good At It. At living your life, I mean :)

Play the melody, Happy Birthday...

Oprah Winfrey said, "The great thing about getting older is getting your priorities straight. You can stop tap-dancing to everybody else's tune and focus on perfecting your own routine." I couldn't agree more - I think my mind becomes clearer as I age.

I turned 35 today. So it's "Happy Birthday to me!".

Do you know that 35 is a prime age where a woman reaches her sexual peak and sexual confidence? Oh boy, don't I wish that I am either married, engaged or at least have a steady boyfriend. Anyways...

Now that I have reached a new plataeu in my life, I should be wiser to embrace a "Play The Melody" philosophy . As Jackie Gleason, puts it, "It means don't over-arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody—and do it the simplest way possible."

Just for the benefit of your knowledge, Jackie Gleason, nicknamed "The Great One", was a rotund, Brooklyn-born comedian famous for brash humor and fast ad-libs who immortalized his Chauncey Street neighborhood in The Honeymooners, playing bus driver Ralph Kramden alongside his pal and upstairs neighbor, sewer worker Ed Norton, and their wives Alice Kramden and Trixie Norton. The foursome were later transplanted into the Stone Age on the animated cartoon series The Flintstones, the entire show being a tribute to The Honeymooners, albeit with both couples eventually having children (Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm).

Surprisingly, I don't feel any different at 35 as I was at 30. Turning the Big 3-0 was more frightening than turning Prime 35, really. Age is, indeed, just a number as you grow older and learn to accept that aging is inevitable, and is part and parcel of the deal you made with God before you were born into this world. There's no point freaking out and worrying to no end about getting older as it will only make you wrinkle faster than you should. Everybody grows old and will eventually die anyways. So, I will just enjoy my moments while I'm still alive. Just be as happy as I can be.

Live life to the fullest!

I think 35 is a good age to be, especially after reading this hilarious observations I received from a friend yesterday. This is really funny!

Read on, people!

People over 35 should be dead

Here's why ............

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets,

... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

(Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, videotape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We had friends!

We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

They were accidents. No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

Our actions were our own.

Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law.

Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them!

Congratulations!

People over 35 have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good !!!!!

People under 30 are WIMPS! (Hehehe...I didn't say that :)

Selamat Hari Raya!

The holy month of Ramadhan has come to an end. For a whole month, we fasted from dawn to dusk. After abstaining not only from food but also from all sorts of temptations, we will celebrate our victory of sorts. Today, Muslims all over the world celebrate this occasion Eid-ul-Fitri as they call it in Arabic or Hari Raya Aidil Fitri as we call it in Malay.

Today, after our morning prayers, the whole family will eat together in perfect harmony. Then we will visit our ancestors' graves. Tomorrow we will visit relatives, friends and neighbors.

To all Muslims around the world, I wish you Eid-ul-Fitri!

Anyways, I have digressed, now back to fasting. Fasting, as some of you may agree, has myriad benefits. Spiritually and mentally, it teaches you patience, perseverance and self discipline. Physically, it cleanses your system, and for a majority, it will trim your body line, or at least makes you feel a lot lighter and healthier.

After a month of fasting - less non-fasting days due to menstruation and gastric attacks - I have lost just 3 kgs. But just one week of feasting during Eid-ul-Fitri, I gained back 2 kgs!!!! Arrggghhhh....

Anyways, don't let this stop you from indulging the goodies. Enjoy the rendang!

Selamat Hari Raya Eid-ul-Fitri!

Jack-O-Lantern sneaked away

Today may seem like one of those days in which everyone else has a perfect life except for me. But then again, I know that's not true. First of all, no one has a perfect life and that we are all plagued by demons of some sort. Second of all, it is not wise to compare yourself to others anyhow. The more you do, the more you are simply setting yourself up for failure and heart break. Life can be an uphill task, especially my love life...

My love life keeps handing me lemons. Again, after the short fuse in the fireworks, reality is beginning to bite. Star Crossed and I have stopped dating each other and we stopped calling each other too. Well, he didn't call me so I didn't call either. In my book, that's an unspoken gesture to tell me it's over without having to face me to say that he's no longer interested in me. Oh well, men!

Au contraire, it's a blessing in disguise Star Crossed stop calling. In my solitude, I realise it's not gonna work between Star Crossed and I. He fits into my criteria but there's just not enough chemistry and fundamentals for this to develop into a relationship. It's going to be a stupid fairy tale. Better end it now before I start to fall for him and get hurt all over again...

Enough said, I will now stop looking for criteria in the man, I'll listen to my heart instead. It says to stop hoping for a fairy tale with Star Crossed before I fool myself more and more into believing that a relationship will happen.

Well...it's Halloween's Day and my Jack-O-Lantern has sneaked away...

In Lewis Caroll's "Alice in Wonderland", Alice asked the Cat, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." said the Cat.

Nel thought and said to the Cat, "Kitty, go for a trick and treat, it's Halloween! for God's sake. Do me a favor. Go out into the night and freak the hell out of Star Crossed and all of the lost fairy tales in my life for me. Muahahahaha!"

Sexy, successful…and single?

Are you a sexy, successful...and single woman? You may find yourself in the same situation that I and I am sure many sexy, successful...and single woman are facing. This is an enlightening article on our predicament.

Some of us may agree on the pointers in the article, and some of us may not agree. Some of us could learn a thing or two. Read on...

Sexy, successful…and single?
By Elsa K. Simcik

Here's the scene: A woman's spending way too much time around the cheese tray at her neighbor's drab get-together when suddenly, a tall, slightly stubbled gentleman (think Jack from Lost) approaches. After about 30 seconds of swapping stories about how they each know Trish (host of said drab gathering), he predictably asks her, "So, what do you do?"

Sounds cheesy (pardon the pun), but some women dread revealing their occupation. Who are they? They're women with impressive jobs—doctors, lawyers, engineers.

And a woman having an impressive job always yields the same reaction from a man: Confusion, awkwardness, that moment when he's wondering, "Is my job as an assistant manager of a copy shop going to sound pitiful?"

Apparently just because you have a lot of degrees on your wall doesn't mean you have a lot of suitors at your door. And as women continue to achieve higher-level jobs, there are more smart, accomplished gals who have to face the fact that they may intimidate men. In fact, in 2003, women accounted for 36% of all chemists, 28% of all lawyers, 30% of all physicians and surgeons, and — wow — 66% of all psychologists.

So are successful women doomed to a life of tense cheese-tray introductions? Of course not. These women can either be patient till an equally high-powered man or a naturally confident fella turns up. Or they can know how best to present their career so as not to scare off less-assured guys.

Here, some pointers:

Ask for advice

Bring your career down to reality, suggests John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Open up and show a vulnerable side right from the beginning, "When a woman immediately senses that a man is intimidated, she should find a way of communicating that she has a need for some advice," Dr. Gray explains: "For example, if she's a doctor, she could talk to him about something frustrating that happened at the hospital that day." Dr. Gray points out that men want to feel needed, so this tactic is a good way to bring him inside your circle.

Chat up guys about their career

"I say date someone who is as equally passionate about their job as you are," recommends Jill Farrar, a lawyer. "After speaking legal jargon all day, that's the last thing I want to come home to. I find myself usually dating doctors, architects or even salesmen—guys who are consumed with their jobs and want to swap stories with me."

Find equal footing

Don't let the conversation just be about work. Find a way to change the topic to something you can both relate to: The last movie you saw, your favorite spot for a hike, the wine-tasting class you're taking next week. The goal here is to get talking about mutual interests—or hobbies you can share with one another. This isn't just resume-trading time. Show what else makes you tick.

Know when it's not going to work…

Still, some high-powered gals know that there are some situations where it's best to say 'there are other fish in the sea': "I dated a guy who couldn't get over the fact that I had a Master's degree," admits Whitney Bessler. "Since he hadn't been to college, he would always remind me that I had two more degrees than him. He even made a point to read the newspaper right before he would pick me up. I didn't care about our educational differences. But I did care that he made an issue out of it." Whitney packed up her two framed diplomas and left.

And what if a guy is perhaps too pleased about your turbo-charged career? That's a situation Kory Jones, a surgical resident, faced. She thought dating a musician / bartender would provide a nice balance to her intense, life-and-death, grueling-schedule job. "Most guys I date get fed up with the amount of time I spend at work," explains Dr. Jones. "But this guy encouraged it. He told me to work hard so that when I was done with my residency I would 'make the big bucks.' The last straw was when he introduced me as his Sugar Mama." The lesson here? Sometimes you don't have to think too hard to know when a relationship just isn't going to work.

Elsa K. Simcik is a writer specializing in relationships and fitness. Besides MSN Dating and Personals, Elsa has contributed to Men's Edge, Daily Candy, Women's Health and Fitness and more. She can be reached at www.writinggal.com.

Less than perfect fairy tale

Sometimes I think that more than other grown ups, I have a fairy tale fantasy of how things should be. Ever since I was a kid, I've dreamed of the perfect wedding, coming home to a white picket fence, cat and 2.2 kids (how does that work, anyway?). When someone asks what I'm looking for, I don't skip a beat: I almost have a handy checklist that details my perfect partner. Hair and eye color, height, religion, education, career, interests, the list goes on. Hmmm that's how I came to choose The Ex-Hubby, the supposedly Mr. Right who turned out to be Mr. Wrong 14 years later. So, I guess wrong and right are relative. Right today, wrong tomorrow?

Belle of the Party told me over our dinner at Sahara Tent in Bukit Bintang on Friday night, while it's great to have standards — Hey, I shouldn't have to settle, after all — there's one slight glitch in my master plan: No one has made the grade in real life — at least not yet.

That gem of a best friend said, "Next time you're out with someone, keep yourself from mentally checking that list, and give love — and others — a chance. That special someone who you've written off may be perfect for you after all..."

Yeah, I know, I know...every fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop even the wisest of men (and women) from trying. I'll wish upon a star...

Things happen for a reason

When I came across this Sufi epigram which said, "When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left," I feel a lot better, at least spiritually, and renews my faith in God. I have no regrets over the events, trials and tribulations of my life, whether or not I have any control over them, whether or not the outcome was favorable or not favorable to me.

Some of the things that happened to me were horrible, painful and unfair - betrayal, separation, divorce, deception and a trail of heartbreaks. There are some people I feel like strangling too. There are also many many other lesser "weevils" and "obstacles" - the liars, the pretenders, the cheaters, the takers, the users, the players, the holier than thou, the jerks, the losers and what not.

But you know what, I have come to accept that each of them taught me a great lesson. I realize that without overcoming these weevils and obstacles I would never have realized my strength, willpower and resilience. Because of what they did to me, I have emerged out of my shell, stronger and harder inside.

Now I can think of The Ex-Hubby, and remember our fond memories together when our love was still young and blooming. Indeed, the years have been good for us, but the days were not enough. Or rather, the days have been good for us, only the nights were not enough.

Nevertheless, it is true they say, people we meet affect our lives. The successes and downfalls that we experienced yesterday helped shape who we are today. The bad experiences we could learn from - more so that good experiences.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and nothing happens simply by chance or by means of luck. As someone wise said, "Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness even sheer stupidity - it all occurs to test the limits of our souls. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless."

I have learned to forgive people when they hurt or betray me and break my heart. Forgiving other people leaves my soul free to live this good life without regrets. Good living is the best revenge, as an ole friend used to say. I forgave them weevils and obstacles because they have taught me good lessons on trust and the importance of being cautious to whom I open my heart to.

I have learned to love people back unconditionally - not only because they love me, but because they are teaching me to love and open my heart and eyes to little things. I have also love people unconditionally - even when my love is not returned.

Some people come into our lives and we know right away that they were meant to be there to serve some sort of purpose - to teach us a lesson or help figure out who we are or who we want to be. They affect our lives in some profound way, sometimes.

Birthday blues: women who are over 30

I took sick leave yesterday, and stayed in bed much part of the day. Food poisoning is not that pleasant and I had to stay near the bathroom most of the time. As much as I want to curse the cockles I had for buka puasa or breaking fast last night at my mom's house, I am also thankful for the welcome break from work and the office. Of course, I wish I was on vacation somewhere in the Mediterranean...

But staying bed, and sleeping away is just as blissful - errr in between purging.

Anyways, I logged on to this website my good friend The Athenian Monk sent me...

(Click on the post title to link)

It says...

As of 10/17/2005 11:42:12 PM CDT

You are 34 years old.
You are 419 months old.
You are 1,824 weeks old.
You are 12,764 days old.
You are 306,359 hours old.
You are 18,381,582 minutes old.
You are 1,102,894,932 seconds old.

There are 20 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 35 candles...

Those 35 candles produce 35 BTUs,
or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!)
You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Hahaha...probably I'm just having a birthday blues :)

Yippeee...I'm not having a midlife crisis just yet!

======

Anyways, received this very interesting piece from a friend today...

Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't h esitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know. A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes , we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

Because I'm worth a lot

Thanks to Aristotle who once said, "Dignity does not consist of possessing honors, but in deserving them," this has been one of my favorite stories...

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question " What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound...

"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life. "

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spiel, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

I am like that woman who is worth a lot. I am not looking for a perfect man, just a man who is striving for perfection in everything he does. A man who is worthy for what I am worth for him.

Music Video Code provided by MySpace Video Code

I'm beginning to see things in the right perspective now I have reached a new age plateau in my life.

Taking stock...

Not only my love life sucks, work is like a never ending story. Just as I finish one task, four more arrive to take its place. Life is becoming tedious as it is and I'm dying to jump off this treadmill. I don't want to be that poor hamster running.

For a change, I will make this weekend, my time-out for taking stock of all that is occurring on the personal front at the moment. If I think back over the last few months, I think will see how much of my attention has been on work, rather than on people I love and want to be with. There is probably some fallout as a result.

I have to think out what I really want: Maybe it's not a new job that I need but a different assignment -- or attitude. Would I consider changing to a new job scope? Omigod, I don't have to keep doing corporate communications and public relations until retirement or death do us part!

Anyhow, I know this is just a phase - every three years I would feel like upsetting the apple cart when it comes to work. I left my first employer nearing my third year there. I wanted to leave my second employer in my third year there, but changed my mind when I got a promotion, but I left in my sixth year. That's three years later. I'm coming to the end of my three-year cycle with my current employer. I need change!

I'm taking heed from Tony Buzan's book, "Embracing Change" and Fatimah Musa's artcile on "Tips To Build A Better Life" :

1...Walk away from negative people who use excuses and complaint about everything. Determine your own values and code of conduct. Nel shall be more assertive! No more losers for me.

2...Be serious and pay attention to what you are doing and what is happening around you. Nel shall not be blurr!

3....Set weekly goals and take daily actions to get out of the rut. The results will motivate and inspire.

4...Discipline yourself to read, listen or watch something of value and uplifting each day. Will power, will power!

5...Observe and challenge your negative self-talks.

6...Clean up the clutters in your life so that they will not accumulate and make you feel overwhelm.

7...At the end of the day, look at what you have accomplished and what you could improve. Set a little bit of time to reflect and rejuvenate.

On the brighter side of things at work, I have just received my Internal Quality Auditor examination results - I passed with flying colours, a strong Distinction! Wow, I myself, am amazed at myself. Hehehe :)

My dear friends, bloggers and browsers, to most of you, have a wonderful weekend!

This balancing act called life

"Bite the bullet and get it done" they say. Yeah, that is easier said than done lah. A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do.

I think I have been in denial. Time to be honest with myself. I admit, as much as I'm thriving in my public life - in career and in professional and social circles - my private life is seriously lagging behind. Some women really thought, wow, she's got it made in her life - good career and achievements etcetera - who needs a man? But honestly, I don't feel complete without my other half. He's out there!

Yes, I'm biting the bullet - my love life really sucks! Everytime I think I'm on to something good that could be very promising, I got blasted to ground zero again and again. Come to think of it, my predicament is almost like Bali. Everytime it thrives again, it got bomb blasted. Everytime I think of going to Bali, it gets bombed too.

When I think of my private life, I feel like I'm in the middle of a maelstrom. Perhaps that is the reason why I keep building up my public life - and in denial over the sorry state of my private life.

The battle over what's best for my public life and what's best for my personal life has come to a head. But I'm unsure about which side to put my best efforts into.

If you ask me if I would throw my career for a man, the answer is definitely no. Unless he's a prince or wealthy enough to provide for me then I don't need my career and comfortable salary. Quite unlikely because let's face it, I'm not Miss Universe. Men being men, the boys will always go for beautiful face or big boobs, or both!

I'm doing my best to find a compromise to balance this act called life. How can some people achive successes in both their public and private lives? I gotta learn this. Right now, I would like to think that I'm just a late bloomer. But I'll get there!

If a woman loves you for what you are

I was thinking about what women what - rather, what men think that women want - you know, all the "C"s. The "C"s that made men work hard in order to get women to want them.


Sale

At the end of the day, I think they fail to question - do the women want them or what they have? Modern day dictum spells out the criteria as - Cash, Career, Condo, Car, Credit Card. Materialistic and superficial, really.

While all these are important in some ways, people forget what's equally important, and perhaps even more so, more important than the others - Class, Character, Consistency, Compatibility, Chemistry and Commitment.

If a woman loves you for what you are, not for what you have, she'll stay with you through the thick and thin, good and bad times. So, please, always give her that Big H - Honesty.

A lot of men fail to realise that, I think. Any opinions, gentlemen and ladies?

Building poetry out of the everyday

Think of 90 minutes of ear shattering energy packed drumming and percussion on the move. Think of wild, imaginative and fun. Think of Stomp!, a rousing piece of musical theatre.

On Saturday night, Istana Budaya Kuala Lumpur reverberated with noise as infectious rhythms banged out on bits and pieces of janitor’s junk, syncopated by stomping feet and martial arts kicks. Sticks and people danced in seemingly artless choreography as the performers clumped into a tribe of urban warriors, street-fighting hooligans with split-second timing and an infectious sense of rhythm.

Stomp! is created by Luke Cresswell, founder member of the wild street band Pookienackenburger (sadly now defunct), formerly half of the ‘junk percussion’ duo Urban Warriors who trashed a Daimler on ‘The Tube’. In Stomp! Cresswell, fellow ex-Pookie Steve McNicholas and five other actors, dancers and musicians beat - an insanely talented cast - clap and tap out a bewildering inventive variety of sounds on anything from oil drums to brooms and Zippo lighters.

Before I saw Stomp!, I thought the idea of seven people on a stage drumming dustbins and clashing the lids together is the kind of thing which gives performance art a bad name. When I actually saw Stomp! I can see that the entire audience at Istana Budaya was mesmerised. Intoxicated is more like it. Stomp is visually arresting. Full of personality: the cast dance like warriors. Infectious rhythmic drumming.

I thought it was ingenious the way they make music out of "janitor's junk" - such as boots, bins, brushes, bags, tea towels, sand, cigarette lighters, rubbish and junk. Who would expect an empty water bottle creating one of the most impressive scenes of the evening, at once visually stunning, surprisingly delicate and rhythmically inspired.

The noise, beautifully sustained, modulated and orchestrated, won’t let your mind quit for a second: the sounds are a magical aural phantasmagoria that impinge wondrously on the ear. Quite wonderful that you forget that all they’re doing is smashing bin lids together. It’s not Mozart, but it is fun and it is disconcertingly infectious.

I thought it was wonderful the way the Stomp cast take a little something and build it into something powerful. Taking something simple and turning it into a complex experience - it is art made out of the everyday. Building poetry out of everyday life.

Truth, like surgery, may hurt

As prominent writer on modern Chinese and Asian subjects, Han Suyin, who is author of the novels, A Many-Splendoured Thing (made into the 1955 movie Love Is a Many Splendored Thing), Till Morning Comes, The Enchantress, Four Faces, and The Mountain is Young, puts it, "Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures."

The truth is, expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. But, in any case, I'll be a "vegetarian" anyways. I don't mean vegetarian by forgoing meat, but celibacy. Celibates are also called vegetarians.

I don't care if people think I'm a nerd for standing my ground on "no love and commitment, no sex". I've been told by one of my dates that I'm not "open minded" because of my "no love and commitment, no sex" principle. I find it so disgusting that some of my dates were asking me about my stand on sex and if I'm "open minded". Gosh! We haven't even begun to really get to know each other, and they pop up the sex question. Or is getting to know each other really important at all to them?

Indeed, the gentleman is a dying breed...

Is being "open minded" means you're being sexually available? Hmmmm, really?

Perhaps those who think that, are the ones who are actually "closed minded" and have a "one track mind". Do they really know what being "open minded" means?

I think being an open minded person is understanding and accepting people as they are. Being open minded means you are not jugding people based on your own values, but theirs. I don't label them for being sexually available, so don't crticise me for being sexually not available. It is my right to be or not to be, in whatever.

I think the world today is full of non-committal people who are not into romance and long term relationships. They just want to flirt around, playing the field, and then get away with murder. Be it the singles or the married ones. What do you think?

War of the Worlds

Once upon a time....hmmmm noooooo, nooooo, noooooo...that's how you begin telling a fairy tale to a 3 year old. I think most of us has outgrown fairy tales, mee too. So, here's how I begin my story, in the "star wars" and "war of the worlds" style.

In a Galaxy far far away, some light years ago, Martian's satelite radar seemed to respond very well to shorter hem and lower cleavage. Martian transmitted a "roger" signal to Venusian, asking permission to land. Venusian pretended not to understand. Overload of stimuli for a night, she thinks.

Venusian kept to intelligent conversation and witty humor, avoid ship steering off course. Mission impossible, Martian got excited by intelligent conversation and witty humor. Martians think Venusian is a kinky and sexy being. Ooops, that was a wrong tactical move on Venusian's part. Aisey!

Martian's ship went off course and was heading towards the Black Hole despite Venusian's stern warning signal to get him to recover course and go back on track. Venusian swiftly implemented emergency course recovery measures, and led both ships home safely and out of any collision course. Phew!

Lari ler tikus, lari cepat sikit!

I did it! I did it! I did it! I finished The Kuala Lumpur Rat Race 2005 within the qualifying time, which is about an hour. Most runner finished in much less time... but I don't really care. Doesn't matter if I finished in the last 100 position. What's important for me was to finish the race.

lari tikus lari! 


Thanks for the support of my team members, especially my team leader, Renee, who constantly pushed and encouraged me to finish the race, and a fellow runner, Shahrul, who was with me all the way. Thanks to the good tips of Rugby Coach who advised me on the right diet and preparations I must do, a day before the race and on the race day. Hahaha I needed all the help I can get considering I only run once in a blue moon.

Anyways, finding out that I had to run in such an elaborate outfit and carrying a tray full of nasi lemak, teh tarik and mineral water was a shocker for me at first. But I did it anyway and had fun along the way - just being a good sport and not wanting to let the team down.

bagpipers 


Doesn't matter if Renee, Shahrul and I finished last 100 positions. What's important is that we did it, and together! That's what I call teamwork. Bonus for us was that my team and Shahrul's team won top ten best dressed teams.

nasi lemak anyone? 


My team dressed up as stall operators at PLUS Highway's R & R, complete with apron and kitchen hat. Shahrul's team dressed up as superheros, Cement Men.

dream team 2 


To tell you the truth, actually, just finishing the race within qualifying time without much training, would be something I would think as unbelieveable a few days ago. I only have my "Just Do It" attitude, and 3 days of training when I volunteered to replace one of our runners who was injured at the last minute.

Did you know that I survived polio when I was a child, so my legs are not of the same length, it's just that it's not noticeable because it's very very slight. As a child, I also survived a fall from the first floor balcony and was limping for a couple of years. Theoretically, I can't actually run. But I guess, nothing is impossible, and impossible is nothing, eh? Hey, I scaled six mountains, including Mount Kinabalu, which is the highest mountain in South East Asia two years ago, didn't I?

Hehehe my best achievement in life, so far, is that I over exceeded my mom's gynae and O & B's expectation. Because, I'm still alive at least 34 years after he told my mom, after delivering me, because I was so small and sickly, that I would be lucky if I could live past my first birthday.

cheer team 


Now that I have discovered my new height of achievement and ability, discovering what's next would be an adventure in itself.

The Kuala Lumpur Rat Race®

Bad air day no more, time to run! I am glad the haze is long gone. Because that means, I can put on my running shoes and start training once again for one of KL's "to watch out for" events, The Kuala Lumpur Rat Race®. Yes, I'm running for my company and for charity 4.5km around Kuala Lumpur's Golden Triangle, along with 500 other "corporate rats", mostly in corporate attire and carrying laptops and briefcases.

dream team 


Including 29 other runners who are running for our group of companies.

For the benefit of your knowledge, The Kuala Lumpur Rat Race is an annual event that is now in its sixth year. The run for charity, originally scheduled for Aug 9, was postponed due to the thick smog that shrouded the Klang Valley recently. The event Corporate Malaysia looks forward to annually will be back on Sept 6.

The Kuala Lumpur Rat Race is organised by The Edge and Bursa Malaysia, and supported by Yayasan Bursa Malaysia, the foundation arm of Bursa Malaysia. The Kuala Lumpur Rat Race will benefit ten charitable organisations around the country.

Last year, 75 teams took time out to run for charity and helped raise RM667,500. This year, a record number of 97 teams from 55 companies have come together to raise RM811,000. In addition, 30 captains of industry will be sweating it out in the CEO Race, including one of our Group companies' CEOs.

Friends and bloggers, wish me all the best!

Why Men Love Bitches

Bumper-To-Bumper suggested that I need to read Sherry Argov's "Why Men Love Bitches" and lent me the book. Hmmm she thinks I'm way too nice for my own good if I were to hold on my own in my future relationships. I need to learn to be a BITCH, Babe In Total Control of Herself, that is and not a "yes" woman to my man.

There’s a difference between a bitch and a real bitch. The author is talking about a strong woman who knows what she’s doing in life. Someone who will share the load but who will stand her ground. For the bitch, if the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else. So yes, I will proudly turn myself into a dignified bitch :)

"Why Men Love Bitches" delivers a unique perspective as to why men are attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself. With saucy examples on every page, this book delivers a compelling message as to why a woman with a backbone is much more desirable to a man than a "yes" woman who routinely sacrifices herself. This book is not only packed with powerful advice for women, it is seasoned by secret admissions coming directly from men.

The book promises this: "Once you've discovered why men think a feisty attitude is so attractive, you'll not only increase the romantic chemistry in the relationship, you'll also gain your man's love and respect with far less effort."

In fact I discovered a lot of things just after reading some pages last night. Hmmm interesting, especially the attraction principles that the author laid out in her book. For example, do you know that anything a person chases in life runs away?

Do you know that the women who have the men climbing the walls for them aren't always exceptional? Often, they are the ones who don't appear to care much.

Do you know that a woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn't feel he has 100 percent hold on her.

Do you know that sometimes a man deliberately won't call, just to see the woman will respond.

Do you know that if you a woman starts out dependent, it turns a man off. But if it is something he can't have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it. When a woman doesn't give in easily and doesn't appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her. More than anything else, a man watches to see if you'll be too emotionally dependent on him. He must feel that the woman chooses to be with him, not that she needs to be with him. Only then will he perceive a woman as an equal partner.

And this classic one: If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he'll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he'll also take time to appreciate who she is. Hahaha so yes, I'll remain celibate. Because sex and "spark" are not one and the same. Before sex, a man isn't thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn't.

Do you know that it is the woman's attitude about herself that a man will adopt. When a man falls in love, it's about your attitude. It's about whether you can hold your own. Which is all about how you hold yourself.

Do you know that you have to act like a prize and you'll turn him into a believer. Because, boys, being boys, being right on the verge of getting something generates a desire that has to be satisfied.

Do you know that the biggest variable between a bitch and a woman who is too nice is fear. The bitch shows that she's not afraid to be without him. A man knows which woman will give in to last-minute requests.

After reading more than half of the book, I think I would rather be The Bitch than The Doormat. I had been a doormat to my ex-hubby and I think I have allowed him to take me for granted because I was "too nice" and trying too hard to be the perfect wife that he expected me to be. I loved him too much, and I was doing it all wrong. I should have been a bitch, not a sweetie pie.

As former American First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt said: " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I totally agree with her.

Only man can know the pain

I couldn't sleep last night after waking up from a very bad dream - a nightmare. In the nightmare, The Ex-hubby became a demon that was slained by an unknown angel who then rescued me.

When everything didn't work to make me go back to sleep again, I sat down and prayed to God, to make me feel calmer. Last night I also took the opportunity to pray to God to help me find my "jodoh". I don't wanna live alone anymore. I have to admit, one of the hardest thing about being single again, is that, celibacy is not an easy thing to do!

Every month, every week, every day, every minute and every second counts when your biological clock is ticking and your hormones raging. I admit, I do need a man!

As author Nizami Ganzavi aptly wrote in "Laila Majnun": "Only man can know the pain of having something he does not need, while needing something he does not have..."

Well, you can say that you don't need to be married to have sex, but I really don't wanna go there. I would rather have sex in a committed relationship, a marriage. Then it would really give meaning to the word "making love".

There are 100 ways to speak your mind, 200 ways to write your thoughts, 300 ways to get angry, 400 ways to have your piece of mind, 500 ways to find your lover, 600 ways to leave your lover, 700 ways to please your lover, 800 ways to piss off your lover, 900 ways to please your mom and yet 1000 ways to piss off your mom. But there is absolutely NO WAY I'm going to remain celibate for the rest of my life. Arrrrggggghhhhh noooooooooo!

Three years after my marriage to The Ex-Hubby collasped, and having gone through hell and back to heaven many times over, I believe that now I am ready to be in a committed relationship and in good time, get married and have children. Doesn't matter what took me so long, but what really matters is that I have arrived - finally :)

I need to get that candy bar!!!

I remember, I used to enjoy competitions when I was a little girl. Even at this age, I still love challenges, just as much. I remember how exhilarating it was to be the first to race to the finish line at the top of the hill, or to win the biggest prize bag of candy, when I was a little girl.

mykart racers 


I still feel the same kind of exhilaration when I don't do too badly in a go kart race, or when I reached the peak of a mountain or achieved something for myself. Somehow, I think my life will be greatly enriched if I can find a way to rekindle similar types of feelings again.

mykart k3b 


So, I thought today I'd get outside into the sun, and get moving. Since I can manage to take the day off from working this weekend, this would be a good time to release some physical energy. I decided to participate in My-Kart Race Round 7 this morning, after literally being out of action for the last 4-5 monthly races. Being the only female racer on the track today didn't intimidate me at all. I enjoy it, rather!

city karting 


As enthusiastic as I were, however, I forgot that practice makes perfect. I haven't been practicing at the track for several months. My skills are quite rusty, and my confidence level on the track is almost non existent especially after the accident during the qualifying round with a stupid bugger who was "just testing his brake"! Caused some damage to my kart's axle. Arrrrrggggggghhhh....he's so stupid!

mykarters 


Arrrrrggggggghhhh....expectedly, I finished last today. It was really a hit on my confidence level. Really, I need to build that up again. It's really not Nel when Rizal Halim, a fellow racer, teased me, "Hey you driving a shopping cart ke makcik?" That was a wake up call! I need to get that candy bar!!!

my-karters 

My ideal man is high in demand

Out of curiousity, I decided to take a quiz on my Truematch on LoveHappens website. Here are what the results say about me and my supposedly ideal man....

1) Overall...

You prefer men who are extremely similar to you.

Hmmmm maybe people feel familiar more easily with people who are similar to them? Hehehe, familiarity does not necessarily breeds contempt, you know. In many cases, familiarity breeds children :)

2) What do people see in you?

You're open-minded, extroverted and independent. You're very free-spirited and are also probably fairly liberal in your views. You're like a magnet for love and affection - people just seem to adore you. And, thanks to that healthy dose of self-confidence, you're unusually flexible.

True, true...hehehe what can I say, I'm just cute and adorable :)

3) What are you really looking for?

Your ideal match is warm, knowing and isn't afraid to go after his goals. He tends to be patient with people, too. And if that isn't enough, he pretty much sets the standard for emotional health by being filled with positive feelings and energy - energy he radiates out onto those around him.

Yes, I'd like that very much :)

The fact is, approximately 12% of men have that exact personality type. Another 11% are similar to the type you're looking for.

4) What makes him different from other men?

It's that your ideal man prefers to be dependable and is unusually confident.

Absolutely!

ironman 


5) Who's your competition?

About 15% of women your age are after the exact type of man you are. And 12% of men have that personality type. As you can see, your ideal man is in high demand.

Hmmmm...very stiff competition! Not only I have to compete with young girls and old maids, I also have to compete with divorcees too...

6) What's so compelling about him?

Women are most attracted to the extent to which your ideal man is confident.

That's true, I like men who are confident and self-assured, but not perasan hensem lah :)

remote control 


7) Who's the right match for you sexually?

Your ideal sexual partner has a strong, healthy, interest in the physical pleasures of sex. He's interested in everything from seduction to experimenting with what feels most pleasurable to. He is secure with sexual abilities, but 's not the type to boast about them. More than others, he needs to feel that sexual experiences are ways of connecting emotionally with partner. To get maximum sexual pleasure, he needs that feeling as well as physical compatibility.

Hehehe...no comment!

8) How rare are men of this sex type?

Your ideal sex partner's combination of sexual tendencies is shared by approximately 14% of all people who have taken our TrueMatch test. Another 42% of men have similar sexual traits.

13% of women are looking for exactly the same kind of man. Another 57% are looking for a similar type of man when it comes to sex. As you can see, your ideal sexual partner is in low demand by other women.

Hehehe...thank GOD! Or is it, HELP me GOD?

suck & blow 


9) What do other women find most attractive about your ideal sexual partner?

It's the the extent to which he likes to get creative with sex.

Errr...only to a certain extent please!

Let's take a walk in the park

The game of love, as I see it, is like taking a walk in a park. Some people have been to the park many many times and after a while forgot the wonders that the gardens in the park offer. They just want to rush to that white gazebo. For some, this is their first time walking in the park. They are taken in by the wonders, taking time to explore every garden in the park, breathe the air, smell the flowers, feel the grass under their feets. They see that white gazebo, but thought it can wait.

klcc park 


For some, this is their first time walking in the park. They are taken in by the wonders, taking time to explore every garden in the park, breathe the air, smell the flowers, feel the grass under their feets. But they see didn't see that white gazebo, they kept hopping on to different gardens. For other first timers, they walk in the park but just fail to see the wonders, or even know that the white gazebo exists and where.

klcc park 


Some people see the park from afar but other things in life becomes priority, so they never thought of stepping into the gardens thinking naaahhh, it's waste of time walking in the park. That white gazebo will still be there, if I want to get there at all. Some people learned about the park and are planning to get there but are still finding their way to park, getting lost somewhere. If only they care to ask for directions! Some people are so romantically and emotionally deficient...blurrr...hah, what park!?

klcc park 

Mencari Cinta?

Every now and then, I do feel a kind of urgent need for stability. Those who are happily married and settled down may not understand what I feel, but those who are single and looking may feel this sometimes. Some feel it all the time. Or else, reality shows like "Mencari Cinta" or "Who Wants To Marry My Dad" won't have wide audiences.

But what is really behind this feeling? It's like this, really. Sometimes, I just wanna find a partner and settle down, even if I have to throw caution in the wind and take a blind chance by taking the second best option. All my options right now are second best or not good for me. There's always a piece of the jigsaw puzzle missing in what I see in them. I haven't found that X-Factor I'm looking for.

When I become rational and "sober" again, the urgency just dissipates and dies down. Then I'd be thinking, hey, I don't wanna settle for the second best option just because I haven't come across my best option. Because only the best option will do. Plainly put, I don't wanna get married for the sake of getting married. Everything must feel and look right, and it will be a decision that I can make peace with for a lifetime. Call me choosy and picky, I will agree.

My new housemate suggested I make my wish list - list down all the qualities that my life partner must have, as well as things that I can compromise, and habits that are no-no for me. That way, I'll be more focused and won't waste my time on candidates who don't meet my wish list, and will weed out losers right at the start. She also said I should set my passing requirement, say at 80:20 ratio just like Pareto's Law. Wow, this is serious stuff! Hehehe I'm coming with my wish list...coming soon!

Reunion jitterbugs

Reunions always give me jitters, like the one I went to last night. I met again, after more than a year, almost 100 college mates who attended the State University of New York at Buffalo twinning program under Universiti Teknologi MARA's Preparatory College, Subang Jaya Campus. It was great to meet up old friends. Some of them I couldn't even recognized because of some "expansion exercise" due to certain "acquisition exercises".

Almost everyone, save for a few bujang terlajak, are already married and have families, or at least are engaged or have steady partners. This is where I'm lacking, because I'd be lost in conversations when they start talking about kids. I'd feel out of place...

committee


Everyone, well almost, comes with a partner, and some with kids in tow. I came solo, because I have no steady partner to bring along. I can't bring a date, especially an impromptu casual date. My old friends will think this casual date is my steady partner. Then, if I bring a different date next time, it will confuse them real good.

Even if Orang Minyak is here and I invite him to come as my date, he still can't be seen with me for now, because he's married and there's a chance someone might know him and his wife. Just like what Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters state: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Hehehe...I can't imagine the ruse. Hehehe I'll try to find someone single and available, that'll be my first option.

Omigod, being dateless sometimes stresses me up real good!

kaum bapa


Nevertheless, last night's reunion was better than the one before because no one asked where is The Ex-hubby. Last year, two of my alumni friends asked. Consequently the room suddenly got hushed by quitened whispers of the other alumni.

I just told them with such indifference that The Ex-Hubby is in Sabah, but not mentioning the divorce. I'm not too bothered actually, but somehow people just hushed whenever the subject surfaces. It's like a taboo question. Nevertheless, I don't blame them though. Perhaps, tpeople just don't understand, divorce is not necessarily a bad thing. You don't have to be worse off than when you were married. Sometimes a new chapter in life is what you need to become a stronger person.

kaum ibu


Anyways, I think the two guys got cornered and was given a long sermon from The Thinking Man, who is a good friend and Protemp President of our alumni, after making such a faux pas.

I think next reunion will be much better and I'd feel more at ease. Hopefully I will have a steady partner to bring along to such gatherings of old friends. Not to show off but at least I don't have to feel like an odd man out. Or odd woman out, rather.

I wonder who it will be? Hmmm...