Rebranding Nel

There are times when I feel that I'm wasting energy on doing things that won't achieve anything, yet failing to concentrate on the things that really do.

Like falling for all the wrong sorts of men. That's a waste of time, really, when I think about it. Or do you call that time an investment, because if didn't meet all the wrong sorts of men, how would I know how to find the right sorts of man? Hmmm, isn't that what you call lessons from experience?


don't look stupid 



Reflecting on this, I've decided to redecorate my life, change my personal habits and lifestyle - to turn over a new leaf and discover a whole new me. Rebranding Nel. Like a phoenix, rising out of its ashes, I'm reinventing myself.

For starters, I'll focus on my daily routines whether at home or at work, especially on the overall structure of my day and the habits I have, which are either helping me or hindering me. Do a SWOT analysis or sorts.

I've become more diet conscious and keen to find a way to improve my overall health. I now think about what I put in my mouth and how often I get up and walk or stretch my limbs. I'm taking yoga lessons, I meditate, I climb the stairs and I dance. Good news is, the 6kg I've lost in just three months beginning January, has definitely given me a super booster to do better at improving my entire package, inside out. Good news is, I've even begun to move towards becoming a teetotaler once again - believe it or not, I haven't been boozing for about three weeks!

Really, I just want to feel very good about myself, and at the same time I also want other people to feel good when they're with me. Especially after my best friend, Belle of the Party, sort of spanked me in the butt for not being on good behavior. That was ouch!

So as not to waste my time with the wrong sort of people, I only want to be with people who matters to me and I only want to spend time with people who want to be with me for the right reasons. I want to be with friends who value and respect me, and appreciate my friendship. People who understand that being friends mean you have to be reciprocal in many aspects. When you dance, it takes two to tango!

Because I'm so bloody tired of yearning for love, and looking for Mr. Right that I don't give a damn anymore, I will stop looking for that elusive man, if he exists. Usually, when you look for Mr. Right, you'll end up with Mr. Wrong and for the wrong reasons. As for love, I think you can't force things that should happen naturally. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Didn't they say that love comes unexpectedly when you're not looking?

So, instead of yearning to be loved, I shall be loveable, and be generous with my love for others. And, instead of focusing on looking for Mr. Right, I'll focus on making myself Ms Right, someone I'd like to marry if I were Mr. Right.

Love will come my way, and the right man for me will come along, insyaallah. And I shall be prepared when he comes.

How does one recover from a break-up?

This morning, I was reading Leen Ash Burn's Lair, one of my favorite blogs.

In her latest post "The Letter I Owe to that Handsome Surfer Dude Oh well.... any good advice on how to recover from a break-up of a serious relationship?, The Very Kepoh Ashburn writes to Handsome Surfer Dude who apparently had just had a break-up on how to recover from a break-up of a serious relationship.

Because in her post, The Very Kepoh Ashburn offers useful tips, I would like to share with my blogger friends. Especially those recovering from a break-up, me included. Although mine is very basi already!

pill 


So, how does One Recover from a Break-Up of a Serious Relationship?

Well babe, You Don’t. Serious relationship or otherwise, you don’t recover from a relationship.

You move on. You don’t recover. Because you’re human.

So how do you deal with it then?

You move on. You do things. You keep your mind occupied.

Sure, they’ll be pockets of times where you’re alone in your room and suddenly your CD player played “Our Song”, there’ll be times when you found yourself driving through a route that you both shared a private joke and held hands, there’ll be times when you saw a book or CD or a top and you’d think “Hey, she’d like that”. Except that you can’t buy for her anymore because she’s no longer yours.

There’ll be nights when you feel so so so horribly lonely that you kept on going on rewinding and re-rewinding the entire relationship in your mind to analyse, over analayse and contemplate.

What went wrong? What is it that I do? What is it that I didn’t do? What is it that I should be doing but didn’t?

So what do you do?

Makan roti lor.

OK sorry bad joke.

But seriously.

How did I do it? Well as for me, I was lucky as I am constantly surrounded with many caring friends. The girls were ever ready to lend a sympathetic ear, shoulder and a piece of tissue paper or two to me. They would agree that yes, He is a Jerk for leaving your for the girl and well it’s his loss anyway.

Even if in the little corner of your heart it’s not true, or that they’re being too charitable and that they’re only doing this to amuse you, it’s still comforting to hear that.

I also have friends who made gave me the proverbial jab in the eye when they saw that I was wallowing in self pity YET AGAIN and that I never seem to be able to get out of my OH WHY ME GODDDD, OH WOE IS MEEEE depression.

They also tell me to move on, already. Why are you still weeping and hanging on to your memories? Move on already! He’s probably happily making out with his New Girlfriend.

You don’t like to hear that, but anger is always a better option that despair.

So with renewed spirits and with your middle-finger erection aimed at the world at large, you tackle your Life anew. That’s when you get yourself busy with things. You suddenly discovered Futsal or Golf or Hockey or Archery you suddenly discover this new online network which have tons of activities for you to relentless pursue so much so you exert yourself.

You suddenly discovered places to go, or new hobby to take up. Because you have that extra cash as you don’t ever need to buy new clothes and perfume to look good all the time, there’s no hourly/daily (depending on how obsessive you are, of course) phone calls to be made and hey, you don’t need to buy dinner for two as you only need to buy dinner for yourself.

You suddenly clock in more hours at the office, much to your Boss’ delight.

You will be too tired to think about that Lost Love once your head hit the pillows at night.

You are being introduced to new people – whether you like it or not, by well meaning friends. And while you think none of them compares even remotely to your ex, at least you are surrounded by people.

That’s the key, Handsome Surfer Dude. You surround yourself with people.

But.

If you can, try to be with positive people. Them with negative vibes will only pull you down. To me, I don’t need to be with depressing/depressed people because Hell, I can jolly well be suicidal without any outside help, thank you very much. I need to surround myself with happy, jovial people so that some of their sunshine and smile will rub on to me. I need to be with them because I want to try to relate to their happiness. It helps even more if I am with happy, positive people who are worst off than I am – in material, physical or spiritual sense because then I’d have to give myself a kick in me (large) arse and spat: If he/she can do it, why can’t you, you whiney, miserable fuck?

It helps you know, trust me.

Though I must admit. Some days, these people make me wonder if they’re on to some secret drug? Is it possibly that they’re this happy? What is effing wrong with them? They’re so happy I want to maim then kill them.

Hey, I’m no Hero Malaya, Dude. I am a mere human.

Sometimes, out of sheer boredom or self-mutilation, I don’t know, I think about my other Past Loves. An amalgation of all relations merged into one, long, heart-breaking sequence.

Like one Ex told me that (in having to choose between Me or The Other) he said that If he chose The Other, he’d lose a very special person but if he had chosen me, he’d lose the next best thing that had happened to him.

Or like the other Ex, (upon admitting that he had fallen for another girl and upon my badgering him to choose between Me or The Other Girl) said He’d chose me because she’s prettier and hence, will be able to find a boyfriend, no problem.

Or like YET another Ex (upon admitting, after my badgering him what was bleeding wrong with him, that he had fallen for The Girl) who told me why he had fallen out of love with me was because she’s physically better looking and that she listens to me.

Note to self: I seem to be falling for the wrong sorts eh?

So what do you do?

You remind yourself that really, for whatever your faults (fat, ugly, don’t listen enogh, not attentive enogh, buck-tooth, big smelly feet, IQ of 20, bad breath etc), if that person were to leave you (for another or otherwise), then it’s just not meant to be.

Because you know? Love shouldn’t be difficult. Why bother falling in love if all you do is argue? Why bother if all you ever think is about is how you are the one who’s forever giving in? Love shouldn’t be difficult you know. Whatever efforts you make, you shouldn’t question about it later. It shouldn’t even occur in the deepest recess of your brain that you are working harder at making the relationship work than the other person.

If you want to do something, then do it. Why question who did more or who worked harder at it because it’s biased. You’re only listening to one side and you know very well there’s three side to every story – you, them and the truth. Love should not be difficult. While no relationship is all perfect (we are, after all, not in Pleasantville), love should not allow for them negative vibes to weigh you down (I used this a lot eh?) Because if you do, then something is wrong. Is it you? Is it him? Is it her? Hey, you know you’ll never find the answer. Why bloody bother when all you do is question her every move? Her every intention? Why bother when you doubt?

And if you don’t and she did. Well. It’s just not meant to be.

I know I sound cliché if I say: If she leaves you, that just mean that she’s not good enough for you. So I wont say that (though I already did, heh). I think if someone tells that to me now, I tell them it’s a whole load of BS. It’s not that. No one’s better or higher or worse than anyone.

Listen, it’s just that you and her were not compatible OK? Maybe the Book said that you and her were not meant to be together. There’s no Jodoh with you and Her. While it’s hard to swallow that now, or ever, just remember that Allah has our best interests, OK?

I was told once, by a very wise, good friend, that Allah only tests those whom He knows can withstand such calamity. He is Fair.

So fret not. We don’t know what’s in store for us. At the end of the day, we owe responsibilty to Him, to our parents, to our friends and to our employers. So maybe His plan for this moment is for us to spend more time on these people. Maybe he’s just allowing more time for us to handle our other responsibilities. Have you been shirking some? We merely have twenty-four hours in a day you know. Is that enough for you? It’s not for me, that I know. So maybe it’s Allah’s way to tell us that our parents are feeling neglected. Or maybe some of our friends need all of our love and attention instead. I don’t know. I am, but a mere human. I have questions, but never answers.

But have faith, Handsome Surfer Dude.

Oh, that wise, good friend also reminded me, to keep myself in Wudhu` at all times. So yeah, that and Keep Busy.

In time you’ll forget why you had fret so about that Lost Love. In time, you won’t even bother.

I hope this helps. Even if it doesn’t, I hope you read it to the end.

Among treasured things

I read somewhere, memory is a child walking along the seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.

Yesterday, I walked down the memory lane as I opened the Pandora Box and rummaged through The Ex Hubby's things in the spare room. I had to do a spring cleaning so that the room would be presentable for my two new house mates, Smarties and Small Wonder who moved in last night. I found all my letters to him which after all these years, he still kept in a shoe box. I didn't keep many of his letters to me, I only kept those that I wanted to keep. Reading those letters brought back bittersweet memories, and I laughed at some of the letters I wrote, especially one I wrote asking him not to be so terribly jealous of me. Well, reading and looking back, the days have been good. But the years are not enough, I guess.

To remember once again how very much sooooooo in love The Ex Hubby and I used to be, that feels just incredible. I long to feel that way again - to be in soooo love with a man who loves me. So far, I haven't felt that way, well, not yet. I haven't love any man as much as I loved The Ex Hubby, well, not enough to make all the sacrifices I've made for him.

I do remember as I always did every year, yesterday was The Ex Hubby's birthday. He turns 35. In fact, in the last 17 years that I've known him, I never once forgotten his birthday. Omigod, has it been 17 years already? That is a long time!

Every year, I would wish him, except for this year. I am not sure if I should call him to wish him "Happy Birthday" this year. Because when I called his number early this year to wish him "Eid Mubarak", The Other Woman picked up the call and rudely yelled at me with very vulgar words, and called me "Bitch", even before I can utter another word after "Hello". She's very crass and uncouth - I suppose I can expect that from someone who stole other people's husband.

Doesn't The Other Woman know that The Ex Hubby is the only person whom I've ever been in love with, well, so far - Mr. Cupid hasn't shot his arrows in this direction yet. Maybe Mr. Cupid lost his way? Hehehe...Shall I shoot the burning flares up the sky so he can find me?

Experience is a hard teacher

Vernon Law a who is an American baseball player (1930 - ) once said, "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."

I think I've learned a lot of meaningful lessons from experience, especially in the last couple of years. They have been countless bitter experiences but then again, there have been countless of sweet experiences. Complaining would be the last thing I'd like to do.

As Belle of the Party always tells me, "Tough times never last, tough people do." Every difficulty is a test, and what we learn to overcome it is a lesson, and overcoming it is a reward. Because every hour of the day and night is a miracle because you're alive. I'm grateful to God for being alive, and for this mindful awareness that God has brought me to. Amen.

The happiest sound in all the world

Last night, I had a thoroughly enjoyable evening of broadway musical listening to "The Happiest sound in all the world"? Hehehe...I watched a broadway musical, The Sound of Music. As most of us know, The Sound of Music is quite possibly and easily the most famous musical film in Hollywood history. I believe, most of us grown-ups still love it, me included.

So far, I've only watched The Sound of Music remake of the 1965 original directed by Robert Wise when I was young (hahaha probably when I was sixteen going on eighteen) where Julie Andrews takes her MARY POPPINS success and adds even more to it with her delightful rendition of the role that Mary Martin originated on the Broadway stage in 1959 and ran even farther with it than Martin ever could.

One of the things I remember about the musical remake was the breathtaking locales. Especially the opening scenes which is probably the most beautiful aerial shot in all of film history and the cunning floral designs of the public Austrian gardens during the DO-RE-MI sequence). I keep watching this most cherished of all musical films almost every other year to savour it's universal sentiment: to 'climb ev'ry mountain, ford ev'ry stream, follow ev'ry rainbow till you find your dream'. But I've never see its broadway musical live!

So, last night, I was glad the world-famous von Trapp story comes to Malaysian stage! (as www.kakiseni.com puts it). I managed to get one of the best seats in the house at Istana Budaya, so the view was fantastic. Not only that, seat came with pre-performance cocktail dinner and intermission refreshments.

For the live musical theatre, the cast comprises Jennifer Semrick (Maria von Trapp), Jim Ballard (Captain Georg Von Trapp), Beth Kirkpatrick (Mother Abbess), Stewart Brown (Max Detweiler) and Todd Fennstermaker (Admiral Von Schreiber), Heidi Dean (Liesl), Ian Leonard (Rolf), as well as Lisa Kay Carter, Adriana Gabriela Tomeu, Ashley Caroline, Mary Katelyn Easterly, Charles P. M. Easterly, J. T. Musson and Friesia Schuil.

For the benefit of your knowledge, if you haven't watched the musical, it's a story about a woman, Maria, who had longed to be a nun since she was a young girl, yet when she became old enough discovered that it wasn't at all what she thought.

Often in trouble and doing the wrong things, Maria is sent to the house of a retired naval captain, named Captain Von Trapp, to care for his children. Von Trapp was widowed several years before and was left to care for seven 'rowdy' children. The children have run off countless governesses.

Baron Von Trapp, a widower, runs his home near Salzburg like the ship he once commanded. That changes when Maria arrives from the convent to be the new governess of his seven children. Maria soon learns that all these children need is a little love to change their attitudes. Maria teaches the children to sing, and through her, music is brought back into the hearts and home of the Von Trapp family.

Their romps through the hills inspire all to sing and to find joy in the smallest things -- like raindrops on window panes. The music becomes their bonding force. Captain von Trapp's heart opens up to feelings he had forgotten and unknowingly, Maria and Captain Von Trapp are falling helplessly in love, except there are two problems, the Captain is engaged, and Maria is a postulant!

Marie and Georg von Trapp eventually married, only to have their world brought down around them by the 1938 Anschluss of Austria, where Nazi Germany takes control of the country and demands that Captain von Trapp assume a position in the German Navy. As this is happening Austria votes to be assumed by Germany on the eve of World war. II.

If you're interested to watch, the live musical is on from March 12 - April 3 at Istana Budaya, Jalan Tun Razak. Show time is 8.30 p.m. Matinees are on Saturdays & Sundays at 3 p.m. (No performances on Mondays). Tickets are priced from RM82 to RM252. For tickets, contact: Istana Budaya Box Office / Axcess at 603-7711 5000 (Axcess hotline). Hurry up, folks!

Nel thinks: Hehehe the Censorship Board missed the live kissing part :)

Why smart people remain single?

Something to ponder today:

SINGLE:
1. Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be.
2. Single gives you space to grow. It is harder to grow when you are too close to someone. Or under someone.
3. Single means learning to live by yourself. You're not helpless!
4. Single means freedom.
5. Single means learning not to need a man / woman to make your life meaningful.
6. Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better.
7. Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it. Hmmmm?
8. Single means you are free to love again.
9. Single means you have more time to care for other people.

MARRIAGE:
1. Marriage is not a word, but a sentence (life sentence).
2. Marriage is very much like a violin, after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
3. Marriage is love, love is blind. So, marriage is an institution for the blind.
4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's and the woman gets her Masters.
5. Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
6. Marriage is not just having a wife but also inherited worries forever.
7. Marriage requires a man to purchase four types of "Ring" engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and enduring.
8. Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
9. It is true that love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
10. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You ordered what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wished you had ordered that.
11. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking, the husband gives and the wife takes.
12. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14.Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

Stand up sit down bend over

I got so tickled to the ribs by the entire cast of Actorlympics! 2005 on Saturday night at The Actors Studio Theatre at Bangsar Shopping Centre - Ida Nerina, Reza Zainal Abidin, Edward Sumun, Gavin Yap, Harith Iskandar and Afdlin Shauki.

It was hilarious as they try to outwit and outperform each other in "Whose Line Is It Anyway" fashion - playing theatre-sports games such as "Stand Up Sit Down Bend Over", "Inventions", "Haiku" and everyone's favourite, "Line In a Bucket". Ingeniusly, the players created skits from scratch based on suggestions from the audience. Brilliant!

I wish I have Ida Nerina's boobs and curves, I quietly thought. Damn, she looks good for her age! I read what Insane Ox wrote in his blog post "Actorlympics (and lust)", and I felt better as I'm not the only one who's appreciative of her beauty and curves.

Have friends will travel

Last night, I had an interesting satay dinner with Deep Blue Sea and her friend, Katherine at USJ Taipan's Restoran Sate Kajang. Insane Ox, a fellow blogger, joined us and was the only rose among the thorns. Katherine, whom Deep Blue Sea made friends with at her belly dancing class, is an American from St. Louis, Missouri, who is traveling here and staying with new found friends she met through Global Free Loaders Program. She has an interesting day job, I must say, being a nude model for art classes at a university, wow! And she's a freelance photographer too.

Talking to Katherine while sending her to her host, I find this Global Free Loaders Program very interesting. Maybe I should try. It's a program where you meet friends online, and offer to host friends. In exchange, you need to host friends too, although not necessarily the same ones. It's an uncoventional, great and adventurous way to travel to a new place to meet new friends. Much more fulfilling and interesting than taking a tour package, I must say. And it's a lot easier on your budget too. Click on the title to find out what it is.

Anyways, just to digress a bit, I am glad I got to know Insane Ox a little better, because although we have met two or three times, we never had a chance to really talk and discover and explore our minds and thoughts - what I learned about him are through his blog, and from Deep Blue Sea, which was not much, until tonight. So, in a way, I not only made a new friend, Katherine, but I also rediscovered my blogger friend, Insane Ox, and seeing him in a different light.

Tonight, Insane Ox and I are taking Katherine to Petaling Street to shop for souvenirs to bring home. After helping her with her shopping, we'll be sending her to the airport. She's going to Bangkok to visit her brother who lives there.

I don't know about Insane Ox, but I'm really thrilled about tonight and I look forward to playing a tourist guide to Katherine. Yippie!

Love in every morsel

Just to share with you an interesting article I lifted from DailyOM that captures what I mean:

Conscious Cooking
Preparing Food With Intention

We are what we eat, but more importantly, we affect what we eat from the cutting board to the pot to the table. The health-imparting properties of food (also known as the life force) are subtly changed by the way in which we prepare it and the spiritual qualities we project into it. Thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative, are absorbed by food as it is prepared. Think of the powerful healing properties of the food you've cooked for a sick relative or friend. Chicken soup is simply soup until it is prepared with the intent to heal. As we cook, our intentions be they loving, sad, destructive, creative, or joyful are imparted into our food. And food prepared with positive intent provides nourishment not only for the body, but also for the soul.

Before you can begin cooking consciously or with intent, it is necessary to remove sources of unpleasantness or distraction. Transform your kitchen into a comfortable, relaxing, and nurturing space. Concentrate on positive thoughts each time you enter the kitchen because negativity can affect the taste and nutritional value of the meals you prepare. It may be helpful to think of food preparation as a type of meditation, wherein your thoughts are free of the "buzz" of the world, and are centered and focused on the task at hand: cutting vegetables, measuring liquids, blending spices, and adding herbs.

Devote the same amount of time and energy to simple tasks as you would to the preparation of a complex recipe, as this honors the processes involved in cooking. As you work, concentrate on nourishment and feelings of love. If you like, you may want to speak, chant, or sing a blessing over the ingredients before they are prepared to impart your positive intent. Finally, be present! in the cooking process from beginning to end by paying attention to the beauty of your ingredients and the magical way they blend to become something new.

A Zen saying instructs cooks to "see the pot as your own head and see the water as your life's blood." Consciously and lovingly cleansing, chopping, stirring, and peeling ingredients brings us closer to our food and, in consequence, closer to those to whom we serve it. During preparation, as your soul exists in the moment to give nourishment, your meals will be a source of intense life force energy and joy to yourself and others.