My mom, my hero...

I agree with American columnist Erma Bombeck who said, "I suppose every child remembers some special virtue their mother has, some piece of wisdom that saved them from disaster or a word that made the path infinitely easier. I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing." Bombeck was voted the funniest mother in America and, quite possibly, the most insightful, by the way.

Reflecting on her words, I was analysing my relationship with my mother. Both being strong headed, my mother and I always argue and disagree on every little thing ever since I can remember. Especially in my rebellious teenage years. Sometimes I dunno why I need to argue with her because mom is always right without a question no matter what. Even when she is clearly wrong she is still right. That is the rule of thumb in the house.

One of the things my mom and I always disagreed was on my choice of men. Perhaps she was right afterall when she didn't like the guys whom I introduced to her. Well, later when things don't work out with the relationships, I can see why she was right. Mother's instinct huh?

Anyways....

Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I have learned to accept the fact that no matter what the love that has bonded us together is unconditional. No matter how many times we argued the love never dies. She may nag til my ears bleed (oh how she can nag) whenever I make a mistake but I know she loves me nevertheless. Likewise I love her the same despite wishing I could change a lot of things about my mom. Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I have learned to accept the fact that she unlikely to change her ways. I just have to accept her the way she is just as she has accepted me the way I am. Me being a difficult child, I am very sure she has to put up with my kerenah or idiosyncracies when I was growing up.



Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I am just gonna love my mom and make her happy the best I know how.

Maybe after this I will just go along with her within reasons on her opinion of the guys I introduced to her. Hehehe, it's good to see my mom's opinion of the guy I would be having or am having a relationship with.

To my mom and to all mothers in the blogging community and the whole world wide web, Happy Mothers' Day!

Knowing me, knowing you

Been blog surfing all weekend, haven't had much chance to do this for a while. I do enjoy blog surfing. You get to travel into bloggers' thots and you see some kind of pattern on what is the current common thots most bloggers are having. Some are very interesting and makes you think. Right now, lots of self descriptions from bloggers. Just to meramaikan majlis, here's some things about me :)

What's in a name? Everything I guess. The name Liza comes from the Hebrew language, it means "an oath of God". In Mandarin it sounds like "girl with lots of money" or "a beautiful flowering plant". I think I like the one with money in it. Hehehe show me the money!

If you arrange my name in acronym, Liza also means...

L	Loving
I	Insane
Z	Zany
A	Appreciative

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

I gotta say, yes, that describes me in some ways. Very loving, but I can drive you insane sometimes, zany sometimes and definitely appreciative at most times :)

I love ice cream, and I "scream for ice cream", just like that 90's TV commercial. Oh well, if I am an ice cream flavor I'd be a Neopolitan. Better make it Haagen Daaz that's my favorite kind. Hehehe when you have ice cream, who cares about dieting? Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. I may plan for years to come but I do live for the moment.

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

I'm an ordinary person who can be extraordinary if you push the right buttons to get the best out of me, both work and play. I love having wild imaginations - you may think I'm dreaming but I'm actually thinking deep. Ahakz!

I do enjoy having many friends around me. But I'm not quite life of the party some people think I am. I enjoy my private moments in solitude. I'm not loud, neither am I quiet. I'm just practical. Being a minimalist in principle, I like to talk when I feel that I will add value to the conversation. Or else I'll just listen. If you hit the right key, we'd be talking all night long. If you hit the right button that is...ahakz!

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK] You are Cool! You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person. Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

I'm sensitive, I admit, but I like to keep it that way. That way I know I'm alive and am feeling whatever I'm supposed to feel. I don't wanna be blind to other people's emotions like some people can be.

THIS WAY UP á

Liza has fragile contents which may break!

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

If I'm a cocktail here's what I'm made of...

How to make a Liza

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 3 parts self-sufficiency 3 parts leadership

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lustfulness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

I may not be a genius, but I'm not dumb either. I did an IQ test some time ago and scored 138. My result said my intelligence is above average and I'm probably gifted. Perhaps or else I won't win a full government scholarship to study overseas right? And in a well known and most expensive state university in California nonetheless. Hehehe I may not graduate Magna Cum Laude but hey I made it to the Dean's List at least once in Business School. Oh well, I think if I hadn't worked two jobs (living in America's fourth most expensive city, scholarship is not enough if I want to travel and live better) when I was a student I would do much much better than I did.

A lot of times I under-rate myself because I didn't wanna sound so royel but after finishing a module on fourth wave intelligence from my management enhancement program, I think I should give myself more credit and recognise my achievements.

The University of Blogging Presents to Liza An Honorary Bachelor of Non Sequiturs Majoring in Questionnaires Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

In short, I'm sugar and spice, and everything nice. Blessedfully sweet, cute and cuddly - not overweight, just undertall. At 4ft 10in, I'd make most men stand tall!

If a man wants you...

Something we women can learn from Oprah.com....

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? -

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are,and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Lovers come, lovers go...

I have to agree with American artist, Elizabeth Foley who said, “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”



Why I'm writing about true friends this time is because I had a tete-a-tete with my best friend Belle of The Party today. She said she oftens worry about me, because I'm very naive and too nice for my own good. Men may take advantage of me and she would hate it if that happens. I gotta hand it to Belle of The Party that I'm not that fortunate enough so far to have found the kind of man Belle of The Party wish for me to have. So I'm keeping away from men for now...

The life partner I should be having, as Belle of The Party puts it: "He is someone who adds value to your life. He makes you want to wake up early every morning, to be the best person you can be because you want him to be proud of you. He has to be able to teach you more things than you ever knew existed. Of course, you too have to add value to his life. Together, you both learn off each other and become inseparable and stronger together."

"That's the kind of man i wish for you. Not someone who's just a seat filler, and who's a good listening buddy. If you only want that, you got the tom, dick and and harry of the universe," she said.

Anyways, I realise that lately I haven't been spending time with my old friends, not even my best friends Belle of The Party, Amazing Grace and Soul Sista, and my Yaya Buddies. I'm like a castaway, adrift in a strange ocean and I'm being blown away further and further by the corporate trade winds. That's how I feel sometimes. Not that I feel lonely, just that I miss them and the good ole times and the fun we used to have together. I don't miss my good times party friends, I just miss my good ole friends, who were there with me during times i needed them around me. I miss them a lot...



Guilty as charged, and I can only offer this alibi...

Weekdays, I would be at work most of my time and I work long hours. After work, sometimes I chat or blog when it's not busy. Weekends, I'd be running my mom's grocery store at my condo building - sometimes I have to rush back before eight to take over from my mom. Sometimes I lepak with my chat friends planning and organising our group outing or just having dinner with them. I no longer have time or passion for toastmasters or Promuda nowadays. I wonder how Amazing Grace managed to juggle her career, family, Promuda and toastmasters.

Go karting I still do but you can count the number of days in a year that I'm on the track nowadays. However, last weekend I helped out in organising the launching of a charity program called Racing for Children that was supported by My-Kart and sponsored by Ronald MacDonald's Children's Charity. The launch was done in conjuntion with a High Performance Challenge in Sepang which I also helped with.

Mountain trekking I still do when I'm not busy with the grocery store. That's one of my ways of spending time with my mom and my brother Shamus. I'm also spending more time with my family nowadays. We have a new arrival, Baby Luth, my first nephew, and he's a bundle of joy :)

I can't imagine having a husband and children with my schedule, really. So I really cannot say whether me not having a child would be a handicap or a blessing at times like thus, it's not easy being a single mom. I know, that coming from a broken home...

A a Malay proverb says, berkawan biar seribu, bercinta biar satu. It means, have a thousand friends, but just one love. I think, you can have a thousand friends but your family and your true friends are what really matters.

Lovers come, lovers go but family and true friends are here to stay...

Love works wondrous miracles

An old friend, Liliput made my day, when she told me that I look better and younger nowadays. She asked me what skincare I’m using right now. She looked at me incredulously when I told her nowadays I just use on-the-shelf beauty products like St. Ives and Neutrogena for my skincare. Gone are my Estee Lauder, Clarins and Lancome skincare regime that I was used to in my younger days.


I’m going back to basics, I told her. I don’t even go for my facials as religiously like I used to before, nowadays it’s home spa twice weekly. Going to the spa would be a treat every now and then when I think I need it.


Liliput knows I used to invest a lot on skincare. Really, I didn’t mind spending money on my skin. But over the years, it beats me to realize that my skin did not improve as much as I expected.

Well, when you pay good money for a beauty product, you want miracles to happen, right? Naahh it didn’t work that way a lot of times.

The really good ones like La Mer and SKII will burn holes in your pocket over time and I’m not willing to go broke for the sake of looking fabulous. Hehehe unless someone else is paying for me. Being a minimalist, I don’t believe in being superfluous when the basics meet your needs.

Nowadays I don’t look at the brand name as much, but I look at the active ingredient and the result you want it to deliver. This you get from doing some research - something smart I learned from my ex-housemate Bumper to Bumper.


As I grow money wise, I think creams, lotions, potions and make up are just icing on the cake. If our heart and soul is not filled with love, we don't feel as beautiful. That’s where our makeover should begin.

Anyways a lot of times love is the greatest cure – both at the giving and receiving ends. Loving ourselves and loving others, and having others love us work wondrous miracles in our lives.

As Ernesto Cardenal puts it, "We turn outward, attracted by the beauty we see in created things without realizing that they are only a reflection of the real beauty. And the real beauty is within us."

Groundhog's Day

It's Groundhog's Day today. It's when the groundhog awakens from a long winter's nap, and goes outside of his den to see if he sees his shadow. The legend says, if the morning is sunny, and the groundhog sees his shadow, he will then return to his den and goes back to sleep. Then there will be six more weeks of winter. If however, the day is cloudy, the groundhog does not see his shadow, he will play around outside of his hole for a while. If the groundhog does not see his shadow, then Spring is just around the corner.

I want the groundhog to wake up, come out of his den. I want Spring to come soon.

PMS Headache

It's that time of the year again - performance appraisal!

I'm having a headache because the Performance Management System (PMS) they use is really having a PMS. Both to the appraiser and the appraisee. It wouldn't do as it was supposed to do, and sometimes I feel it's really wasting my productive time.

aha thot you knew! 


If technology is supposed to make our jobs a lot easier, then why are some of the things are making our jobs more complicated than they should be.

Sometimes, I wonder why people always try to make things look complicated and overly high-tech that fewer and fewer people can graps, when the solution is really very simple? Perhaps to make people look more intelligent when they are actually beating around the bush just to come to the same conclusion or solution?

Brain cells come, brain cells go

Omigod, I really don't remember our country having this long a public holiday ever. Ten days straight. Because I have no budget for a vacation, I had a home vacation and turned my home into my holiday home instead. Such bliss - sleeping, eating, cooking for friends, watching TV and playing Solitaire on my PDA all day most of the days. Such bliss!

However, staying home makes me feel not as mobile, and I feel fat just watching TV. Hahaha they say, brain cells come and brain cells go - but fat cells live forever!

Post holidays...right now I feel like Ms Couch Potato.


Ms Couch Potato

Just thinking...

When I was in my 20s, I refused to believe that losing weight after hitting The Big 3-0 is an uphill battle. When you are young you think you can rule the universe. Hahaha :)

Today, I'm afraid that it IS true. I have been trying to lose 5kg and keep it off, for the last one year - unsuccessfully, and my weight fluctuation has been like a yoyo. It probably beats the Malaysian stock market movements - if the Composit Index is my weight, it must be breaking way past the 1, 000 points.

You really dread the ocassions when your mother is always right. This is one of them.

It doesn't help that my mom thinks I'm overweight and she claims that I have hit the highest of all time. That's not true, of course because I know what was my heaviest weight ever, which was 10kg over what I am now when I was on that fertility hormone treatment drugs, Provera and Clomid.

Anyways, as a corporate communications manager, I have to project a positive image, my mom said. Being FAT or CHUBBY isn't. Orang Minyak, my ex boyfriend, thought so too, although he didn't say it. Thank God, he's no longer my boyfriend anymore.

I think my man should accept me as I am. Doesn't my personality and having a mind of my own mean something? I wonder if Quarter Master thought I'm fat too? He just liked to tease me about my "cute spare tyre" sometimes, and that's not cute at all.

Anyways, I hate it that some people judge you because you're fat or chubby...

Beginning 20th century and now into the millennium, being overweight is one of the worse things a woman has to battle with in order to be in the mainstream. As The Ex-Hubby used to say, ideals changed. I was his ideal, then I am no longer his ideal.

If you look back into history, most of the world's famed beauties were not thin at all. Helen of Troy was not thin. Even The Mona Lisa wasn't exactly thin, and she was thought to be the ideal female in those days! Obviously, I am living in the wrong century...

Today, there is much obsession about being thin, getting into that tight dress that can only my thighs can fit into it. Society thinks being overweight is not normal. We are unfairly discriminated against. We have The Smokers and The Non-Smokers, and we have The Fat and The Rest. Arrrrrgggghhhhhhh!

Here's a funny story I wanna share with you on dieting...

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10lb weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads , "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20lb program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20lbs as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 50lb program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."

Muahahahaa!

Monday blues, Monday blurrs

There should be no Monday blues, Monday blurrs maybe...

There's no such thing as a bad day - just different kinds of days. You have sunny day, rainy day, stormy day, clear day, energetic day, tiring day, blissful day, moody day, boring day, interesting day, quiet day, eventful day, busy day, lackadaisical day, and it goes on.


Dumbo Express

The story of creation

Happy New Year! Here's one of my favorite stories to put you in good mood for the new year...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts.

And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."

And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful Yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake" and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave Cable TV with a Remote Control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent Double Cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created provincial health care plans.

Moral of this story, if there's any...

Brain cells come and brain cells go. Fat cells are here to stay :)

Check this out...

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Quarter-life crisis...

It has been six hours since the new year's celebration's fireworks died at Alamanda Putrajaya. I went to watch a concert and the fireworks. I'm at home now, sitting on my sofa at home, reflecting on my life for the past year. Personal life sucks, especially love life - thank God that I have supportive friends and family. Professional life, I have no complaints, really. I enjoy what I do. Work is work, anywhere you work, you just do your best and rise up to the challenge in the best way you can. It's more than what I can ask for right now.

My personal life, however, have got to change, I have to take a risk in committing to someone because it is what I want - not because my mother approves. It doesn't matter what my mother thinks - I'm 35 years old, for God's sake. Mothers know best, but if I have to wait for another decade before Emak approves of a man I like, I don't think I could do that. Emak is very strong headed, and has a very strong will and determination. I'm glad I inherited some of the good qualities which has helped me get through life's trials and tribulations, and I love Emak so much despite our differences in opinions. It's just that sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning in her "mothers know best" over protectiveness.

I am reminded of Henry David Thoreau, who once said, "Things do not change; we change." The internal chaos in me what I call my "quarter life crisis" are now asking to make very big changes in my life. Just like what Anais Nin wrote in her diary, "There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." So, instead of having new year resolutions, I will implement changes in 2006. I think it's a more focused and systematic approach.

The first change I would like to make in 2006: I no longer would like to be called "Nel" - Emak said it sounds like "knell" which means 1) the sound of a bell rung to announce a death or a funeral i.e. to ring a knell; or 2) something that precipitates or indicates death or destruction. In this case, Emak is right. Nel may be a heavy name for me to carry, probably that's why my romantic relationships keep dying. Since the day I was born, Emak has been calling me Liza, and most of my old friends know me as Liza. Companies do rebranding and so will I :)

I will go back to being Liza from this moment on.

What's in a name? Well, Liza will mean optimism, positiveness - Liza is good news. Liza is a pillar of strength. Liza will have more patience and will power. Liza will not lose her cool and sense of humor in moments or crisis and distress. Liza will be full of conviction and take a stand for what she believes in. Liza will do what she says, delivers what she promises. Liza can be soft spoken and yet strong in her key messages. Liza will be nurturing and full of empathy and compassion. Liza will be a good girl - wholesome and full of goodness, hehehe, just like wholemeal bread. Liza will be more responsible and accountable. Liza will be more conscientious and thoughtful. Liza will be a dutiful daughter, nurturing sister, loving partner, and caring friend. Workwise, Liza will result oriented, quality driven and high performing professional. Liza will work smart, not just work hard. Liza will be a manager than she is now, Liza will be a leader in her own rights.

The second change I would like to make in 2006: I will listen to my heart when it comes to romantic relationships. I will no longer listen to my mom -she wants a financially stable, good looking and educated husband for me. Not that I don't want one too - who doesn't. Every girl who once believed in fairy tales wants to be Cinderella hoping Prince Charming will sweep her off her feet. Over the years, however, my priorities have changed and I no longer am as materialistic as I was back then. I no longer cared if I marry my an "ideal husband" whom Emak would have been proud to show off to our relatives and her friends. Well and good if I get someone like that who truly loves and adores me and if I happen to like him a lot. I just don't want a trophy husband and neither do I want to be a trophy wife. To some people, marriage may be a PR exercise to up your net worth, public image and social standing. For me, I just want someone whom I can talk to and will be with me through good times and bad times. My needs are simple. Err..I don't mind though if he wants to share his wealth with me. Hehehe...

The third change I would like to make in 2006: I want change my financial position. No longer do I want to have any debts whatsoever, with the exception of housing and car loans, which are unavoidable, unless I win a lottery or something. The first thing I wanna get rid of is my credit card debts. Next, I will relook at my spending habits, and change it - I would like to save more money. Skip Starbucks and Coffee Beans - have coffee at Kedai Mamak or at home. Don't keep more shoes than my shoe cabinet can handle. Similarly with my wardrobe - I will go on diet to fit into half of my clothes. Mind you I keep a wardrobe that is meant for two people and that's not enough. Mostly because I keep buying new clothes because I can't fit into my old ones. From now on, only my savings account will get fat, not my body. When I'm already financially sound and have a chubby, if not fat, savings account, I will start to invest aggressively. There's truth in the old financial wisdom, "earn, save and invest" - a simple formula that works for most people for generations and centuries.

The fourth change I would like to make in 2006: I would like to change my attitude towards time - I will respect it. This I have learned from Quarter Master. I will be very punctual and I won't procrastinate anymore, in every aspect of my life.

Having shared with you my plans for 2006, here's some reflections I would like to share with you that aptly describe what some of us may be going thru or had gone through at one point in our lives. I know I had, and probably still am going through it right now...

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

Random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it - perhaps.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

But you know what? Life is a funny thing, our past always gets larger, while our future always gets smaller. Yet as long as we dream the possibilities of the future always seem to out weigh the tragedies found in both...

Happy New Year 2006!

Happy New Year 2006!

My dear friends, fellow bloggers and browsers, happy new year, all!

Have you started writing down your new year's resolutions? I haven't. I'm becoming lazier each year in coming out with new year's resolutions. Perhaps it's just age. Well, when I do get to the resolutions, I'll keep it to just three at most...

Being short of a new year's resolution, and new year is just around the corner. I thought I just toy with my mind, and think of a new year's motto, instead. How about this one: "if you can't be good; be good at it"



Just like turning over a new leaf in your journal, every new year to me is a chance for me to start over on a fresh clean sheet. I hope to write better things in the journal in the year ahead. This year has been chaotic.

Having said that, I really look forward to a new year, and to embrace the welcome change in my life. Embracing change to me is like moving into an entirely new world. There are three possibilities that would probably happen - I could either burst with open-armed excitement or hug myself with fear. Or like most people, flip back and forth between the two. How shall I paint my new page?

On that note, I am reminded of the butterfly's progression: we are leaving our cocoons to fly out into the great big world. And what better way to take flight than on a note of inspiration and optimism?

Plato on love and marriage

Today I discovered that one of my ex-boyfriends recently got married. As much as I am happy that he found someone to share his life with, I'm also sad for reasons I don't really know.

Not that I still love him the same way I used to - I have someone I love right now.

Not that I'm hoping to be with him. It could have been if not for the differences in our religions, which became a sticky issue that set us apart.

I think maybe it's not sadness, it's a feeling of empty loss - a departure of sorts. Don't ask me why - I can't explain myself either.

I'm reminded of a blog post in The Datin Diaries, where she wrote that men don't really feel a woman is "the one" because he loves her the most, but men marry because she happens to be the love of his life at a time that is perfect for him. Perhaps, this holds true for women as well. A friend made this interesting observation - most men feel ready to marry at 20, 25, 30, 35, 45, 50 and so on. I wonder if this is really true?

Perhaps so, because two of my ex-boyfriends proposed to me when they were 40. For me, I wasn't thinking about marriage when I was 32,33, 34. Now that I've just turned 35, I feel ready to be "institutionalised" in a holy matrimony. Hahaha don't they say, marriage is an institution where a man loses his bachelorhood and a woman gains her masters degree.

But when I read what Plato said about love and marriage, I think I know why I feel ready. Marriage is not all about love - love can't conquer all. It's a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives.

If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.

So that's why I think I should give it a shot at marriage...

Plato on love and marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"

The teacher answered, "There's a large wheat field in front. Walk there without turning back, and take just one leaf. If you can find one leaf that you think is extraordinary, it means you have found love."

So Plato walked...and not long after that, he came back empty-handed. The teacher asked him, "Why, you don't bring any leaf?" Plato said, "I can only bring just one leaf and when I walked through the wheat field I can't turn my back. Actually I have found one extraordinary leaf, but I don't know whether there's any other leaf more extraordinary, so I didn't take that leaf. When I walked further, I realized that the leaves I found are not as extraordinary compared to the leaf I've found earlier in my walk. In the end, I didn't take any single leaf."

Then the teacher told him, "So...that is love."

Another day, Plato asked his teacher again, "What is marriage? How can I find it?"

The teacher answered, "There is a forest in front. Please walk there and don't look back. You can only cut one tree, and cut the one that you think is the highest. That is when you find marriage."

Plato walks there, and he came back not long after bringing one tree. The tree, however, is not a very good tree and not a very tall one, either. It's just an ordinary tree.

The teacher asked him, "Why did you cut that kind of tree?" Plato answered, "Because from my previous experience, after walking through the wheat field, I came back with nothing. So this time, when I saw this tree which I think is not so bad, I decided to cut it and bring it here. I don't want to lose another chance to get it."

And the teacher said, "Well .. that is marriage."

Some thoughts: The more you look for love, you will find nothing. Love is in your heart, when you can control your desire and your hope to find something better. When you have endless hope and wish of love, you will only get emptiness...because you won't get anything and time can not be turned back. Accept love for what it is.

Marriage is a continuation of love. It's a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives.

If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.

Dead calm...

It's usually dead calm before a storm.

So, even if there's not a cloud in sight, I'll take an umbrella along -- just in case. Besides it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. So, I'll get out of the bath tub out before he pulls the plug.

If you can't be good, be good at it

According to "Rate My Life" quiz that a fellow blogger Lx recommended in his blog "Phases", my life is an 8 out of 10. Not as bad as I thought, really.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.9
Mind:	8.4
Body:	8.6
Spirit:	9.2
Friends/Family:	6.1
Love:	7.7
Finance:	8.4
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

In retrospect, life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you want but you can only spend it once. Think what you want of me, I don't really care because I know about myself more than anyone else does.

The Red Indians used to say, never judge a person before you walked in his moccasins for two moons. Errr correction...I dunno if the Red Indians actually said that. Hehehe I just made it up :)

No matter! The point is, you may never ever walk in my moccasins. Neither will I be walking in your moccasins, ever in my whole life. Talking about life, I just wanna share with you some profound lessons that I've learned in my 35 years. Setahun jagung, maybe to some of you. But I think I've earned some rights to crack a few nuts here and there :)

First lesson that I've learned is, that we must never ever judge another person against our own set of values. If you really have to judge a person, be fair. Judge him or her against their own set of values. Practically, human beings have a strong tendency to become ethnocentric and egocentric. Even animals do. But unlike animals, human beings are blessed with a thinking brain. Use it well, as my mom used to say. Hehehe probably the reason why she started me reading at four years old!

During reunions and get togethers, I've heard old friends complain about not being happy and content. Especially when their friends are doing much better than them. I think, as much as we sometimes think that our lives is worse off than other people, or otherwise, we never know for sure until we live other people's lives.

Keeping up with the Joneses is very tiring, as you would be in the rat race, perpetually running life's treadmill. I would rather keep up with my own pace, I may not be the best, the richest, the most successful, the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most whatever!

The race is against myself, not others. I'm improving so that I'd be better today than I was yesterday. Then I'd be happy and content. Sometimes, it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who your not.

To recap, the second lesson that I've learned, is to be happy and content with your life, be grateful for what you have, rather than complaining and pining for what you don't have. On that note, we either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same. If we can actually open our hearts, there's no difficulty in being happy. Laugh all you want while you still can, because laughter is the shortest distance between two people. I'd say, frown not, unless it is for a very worthy reason.

How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and that there will never be a time when it is not now.

English novelist and essayist Aldous Leonard Huxley (1894- 1963) once said, "most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted". On that note, I think you should value the people who you have in your life, and not the things that you own. Life is too short to be worrying about things which have little meaning. As one wise old man told me, "the real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money."

Having survived a bitter divorce and financial struggles that ensued such a tragedy, it is true that God would never give us something that we can't handle. From my experience, I have also learned that we can keep going long after we can't. Just keep telling yourself, just another step, just another step. Before you know it, you've arrived!

Be not afraid to live but be not foolish with it either for we get but one chance. But don't be afraid of making a mistake. It is not the end of the world. Unless you end your life, then it would be the end of your universe. But the world goes on, with or without you in it, until armageddon. I have learned that if you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

Like I said, life is like a coin, spend it any way you want but you can only spend it once. We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. If You Can't Be Good; Be Good At It. At living your life, I mean :)