Plato on love and marriage

Today I discovered that one of my ex-boyfriends recently got married. As much as I am happy that he found someone to share his life with, I'm also sad for reasons I don't really know.

Not that I still love him the same way I used to - I have someone I love right now.

Not that I'm hoping to be with him. It could have been if not for the differences in our religions, which became a sticky issue that set us apart.

I think maybe it's not sadness, it's a feeling of empty loss - a departure of sorts. Don't ask me why - I can't explain myself either.

I'm reminded of a blog post in The Datin Diaries, where she wrote that men don't really feel a woman is "the one" because he loves her the most, but men marry because she happens to be the love of his life at a time that is perfect for him. Perhaps, this holds true for women as well. A friend made this interesting observation - most men feel ready to marry at 20, 25, 30, 35, 45, 50 and so on. I wonder if this is really true?

Perhaps so, because two of my ex-boyfriends proposed to me when they were 40. For me, I wasn't thinking about marriage when I was 32,33, 34. Now that I've just turned 35, I feel ready to be "institutionalised" in a holy matrimony. Hahaha don't they say, marriage is an institution where a man loses his bachelorhood and a woman gains her masters degree.

But when I read what Plato said about love and marriage, I think I know why I feel ready. Marriage is not all about love - love can't conquer all. It's a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives.

If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.

So that's why I think I should give it a shot at marriage...

Plato on love and marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"

The teacher answered, "There's a large wheat field in front. Walk there without turning back, and take just one leaf. If you can find one leaf that you think is extraordinary, it means you have found love."

So Plato walked...and not long after that, he came back empty-handed. The teacher asked him, "Why, you don't bring any leaf?" Plato said, "I can only bring just one leaf and when I walked through the wheat field I can't turn my back. Actually I have found one extraordinary leaf, but I don't know whether there's any other leaf more extraordinary, so I didn't take that leaf. When I walked further, I realized that the leaves I found are not as extraordinary compared to the leaf I've found earlier in my walk. In the end, I didn't take any single leaf."

Then the teacher told him, "So...that is love."

Another day, Plato asked his teacher again, "What is marriage? How can I find it?"

The teacher answered, "There is a forest in front. Please walk there and don't look back. You can only cut one tree, and cut the one that you think is the highest. That is when you find marriage."

Plato walks there, and he came back not long after bringing one tree. The tree, however, is not a very good tree and not a very tall one, either. It's just an ordinary tree.

The teacher asked him, "Why did you cut that kind of tree?" Plato answered, "Because from my previous experience, after walking through the wheat field, I came back with nothing. So this time, when I saw this tree which I think is not so bad, I decided to cut it and bring it here. I don't want to lose another chance to get it."

And the teacher said, "Well .. that is marriage."

Some thoughts: The more you look for love, you will find nothing. Love is in your heart, when you can control your desire and your hope to find something better. When you have endless hope and wish of love, you will only get emptiness...because you won't get anything and time can not be turned back. Accept love for what it is.

Marriage is a continuation of love. It's a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives.

If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.