Mourning a lost relationship

Yesterday, as people mourned the spoils of war following September 11 terrorist attack on World Trade Center incident, I mourned a lost relationship.

I broke up with Medicine Man last night. He accused me of cheating him. Seriously, I am not and have no intention to cheat. I swear!

I'm tired of pleading innocence and justifying my actions to him every time. I feel suffocated, I can't breathe when he hovers over my neck. At this moment, I just don't give a damn anymore what he thinks. I'd rather be alone and happy, than being with someone and feels lonely - we don't meet eye to eye on many things. I don't think he's for me...

I can't help it that his ex-wife cheated on him and I can't help it that he's feeling very insecure and like a spoil of war. Seriously, at this age, I have not much tolerance for insecure men and people who love feeling sorry for themselves. They have to realise that we can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.

I'm not feeling sad that we've broken up - I don't consider Medicine Man would be a real lost - for I will not settle for second best in choosing my life partner.

The main cause for failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want at the moment. I don't want him badly enough and he's not for me - I must find the best fit for me, one who feels just right for me and makes me feel alright.

Yesterday and Tomorrow

By Marzuki

Yesterday I saw you
Walking and laughing with someone new
And I know that you saw me too

But I pretend that I was happy
I try to hide the feelings inside me
That sometimes I still cry
And the truth is inside I already died

You know I’d do anything for you
But not to love you is the only thing that I can’t do
I’d lost everything if I don’t have you
And what would life be if I have to go through
Those days and nights will be all blue

I walk in the misty shadows
Of our past memories that before this had grow
The young and passionate love is now rest peacefully
except remains of you that still haunting me
But I know one day I will forget you
As soon as my heart stops beating
And as soon as forever is through
I’ll be over you