Alone, But Not Lonely

I'm so glad I broke up with Medicine Man because it would be a marriage for convenience if we were to go ahead with our wedding plans. There's almost zero emotional and spiritual connection present - my feelings for him were empty and void. There was only lust and an illusion of love. I just know for sure I wouldn't be happy with him.

Well, things always happen for a reason. It's part of growing up because the aftermath will bring us to a new chapter in life, and a new level of maturity.

I have to admit it. I think I have a habit of choosing the wrong men in my life. So, maybe it's best that I avoid marrying until I'm really ready or wiser in my choices. I've always been a late bloomer anyways, so I will be patient for that time to come. Better a bit later, but lasts forever.

Perhaps I should heed the words of Comte de Buffon, apparently some European nobility, who said: "Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius." In being patient, I shall be wiser :)

In the meantime, life must be full and vibrant, with or without the wedding band! Just like "Princess Mia" in the "Princess Diaries 2" who defied a 300 year old Genovian law and overuled the Parliament by choosing to rule without a husband. Yeah, I watched the movie today at TGV KLCC, by myself. It's liberating that I'm now emotionally independent enough to be happy alone and going places on my own. I used to hate going out alone, now it doesn't bother me whether or not I have company. Having someone along would be a bonus, though, but it will not ruin my plans if I have to go at it alone.

Being on annual leave, I had a blissful day today. I went to see "Puteri Gunung Ledang" for the second time. After that, I dropped by Kinokuniya for couple of books, "Meditation 101" and the other on reading body language. I had a late lunch at Chili's, finished half a plate of nachos, and sipped on two glasses of iced lemon tea, reading "Definitive Book of Body Language" by Allan & Barbara Pease, who also wrote "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps".

After enough doses of reading, I decided to watch "Princess Diaries 2". I admit it, I like movies with princesses and royalties in them, they look so romantic. But in real life, the novelty of royalties wears off, especially when I come across snobish and irresponsible royalties. I don't fancy them in real life - with the exception of the handsome and charming Prince William :)

After watching enough of princesses movies, I met up with an old friend, a fellow alumni, we spent two years at State University of New York at Buffalo together. He lives in the East Coast and married to another alumni friend. He's in Kuala Lumpur for this whole week for a seminar and is staying at The Mandarin Oriental. Since I happened to be in KLCC which is just next to The Mandarin Oriental, we decided to meet for a drink. So I introduced him "Chocz".

The drinking chocolates they have at Chocz is par excellent. My favorite is Aztec - drinking chocolate with a hint of chili powder. Great chocolates, good company, perfect harmony. So much so that what meant to be just coffee, extended past dinner time. Besides, I haven't met him in years and this was the first time I've ever had a real in-depth conversation with this friend in the last 15 years.

Intellectually stimulating conversation we both had indeed - about life's twists and turns. How the choices we made in life have changed us. How we evolved with age. Honestly, I never knew he can be very philosophical. Maybe marriage and fatherhood changed people. While, I on the other hand, still think and live a single life. A single career woman. Well, I can't deny the fact that I am currently single - and available too. So, how else should I think, I cannot imagine otherwise until I have babies of my own. One day!

I asked him how he thinks I have changed. He said, "Mature and wiser, you look more at peace with yourself now - and in control of your life. You look happier."

Indeed! You bet! I do feel content with my life. Well, I don't have the world's riches at my feet and good looking hunks worshipping the earth I walk on. But, yes, I am happy with what I am and content with what and who I have. I maybe "alone" as in living life "solo" but I am but no means, lonely. Alhamdullilah!