At this age of unreason

I watched a movie on TV last night. It's about an old man, Earnest, who journeyed across the country to spend time at his late wife Emily's grave on their wedding anniversary. Because he missed her too much. As he travelled, along the way he met with many interesting characters whose lives were changed for the better because of him. What touched me was the undying love he has for his Emily, the kind of love I would like to have from a man one day.

Enthusiasm is a kind of faith that has been set on fire, as George Matthew Adams puts it. I don't feel that right now when it comes to matters of the heart.

I'm usually full of energy, but I was feeling a little less vivacious than usual. I cried my heart out watching the movie, and also because I wanted that kind of love from a man. No man has ever loved me that earnestly. I thought I had, but I was wrong.

akad nikah 


I sat on my huge sofa alone at home and spent the time to do some thinking about my personal life, and what I expect to get out of my relationships with men. A string of failed relationships somehow establishes in my mind beyond any peradventure of doubt that even at this age of unreason, I'm still all wet and all wrong in my understanding about relationships. I'm still a naif when it comes to deciphering men!

I think I need to break away from myself, men and relationships. Some deep feelings are welling up inside me, and it's time to get them out of my mind and dissect them.

I need to be alone to think about how I intend to go about getting things right! Just as one Maria Isabel Barreno puts it, "It is only alone, truly alone that one bursts apart, springs forth."

Oh God, I really do need a vacation badly. I think a vacation would be a unique opportunity for me to resolve some past issues -- and start moving into the future.

I will have to find time for a vacation for my much needed break away.

tahiti 


As one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, once said, "If you don't have the time to do something right, where are you going to find the time to fix it?"