Be the willow tree

I had another interesting chat with The Monk last night. We talked openly about religion, friendship, relationships, love, sex, celibacy and life in general.

The Monk's advice for me today is: "It is best to marry a friend. Or at least the one you marry should remain your friend." But he also said that one should be so flexible, have little expectations so as to avoid disappointments and thereby head off bitter feelings that may arise.

The Monk explained to me, "We men are not very secure animals even if we seem cocksure and full of confidence. We are all little boys underneath. Our societies tend to produce this because of the sexual repression in our religious codes. It is no different here."

I told The Monk, it would be difficult, I'm too old for that. I value my friends and I don't want to ruin a friendship because a relationship doesn't work. I remember my womanising ex-hubby, Tahir used to tell me when we were still "just friends" and not yet a couple, "No matter what happens, we would still be friends." Tell me, where the hell is he now? Odeth tells me the same thing about being friends - but he's not here when I needed a friend most. Cit Podah!

He said, "Here is some Zen philosopher's advice. It is time to bend like the willow and not to be the stone." Means, I must have the flexibility muscle to change with the wind.

I gave it a thought and replied, "Well, I think perhaps we're not "losing" anything if we just be cool about things, not be too emotional. Perhaps, we'll "gain" a new relationship, on top of the existing friendship." Maybe, I'll give it another try. But I won't push it...

He quipped, "Good idea!"

I said, "I get crushes often, but I don't fall in love easily. I'm too level headed. I don't confuse lust with love." Actually, really, I'm just afraid of rejection.

The Monk said: "I think you have the kind of love and wisdom necessary to do okay in this situation. You have a good heart, and loyal as a dog and quick as a scorpion. I see it in your blog and in our talks. "

He continued, "Be the willow tree. Willows are full of water; deeply rooted; they survive lightening strikes."

I joked, "Hahahaha...you mean a very flexible relationship - we can remain friends, or have a relationship, and if the relationship doesn't work, we can go back to being friends, or better yet, we can just become shag buddies? Oh cool, how lovely!"

The Monk laughed, and being very un-monkly, quipped at my joke,"Very wise! It's the evil twin returned!!! Ahhhh!"

"Always there...Notty Nel." I grinned.

"Nuttin' wrong wit dat!"

"Better notty than nutty!"

"Oh so wise."

Laughing out loud, I said, "I learned that from a monk."